Electric Love
by dr-daddy-cullen
Summary: Bella has had feelings for Carlisle for some time but the night of her 18th birthday changes everything. An AU exploring the story if Carlisle had stuck around after Edward had left in New Moon and the relationship he has with Bella. Also posted on AO3
1. Chapter 1

I loved Edward, I truly did but not with my whole heart. Sometimes it felt like there was a piece missing. It wasn't just my physical human needs that he could, or would not, meet. We had widely differing opinions on some things and it felt like he wasn't willing to grow and learn with me. Over the summer we had spent together I was beginning to feel like he would always be that 17-year-old boy turned in 1918. I was growing up and he never would. 

I never ended things though, I cared too deeply for him to do that and I didn't want to say goodbye to his family. Ok, Rosalie had never cared for me but Alice was like my own sister and Emmett like my own brother. I loved Esme and appreciated having a figure who would act as my own mother never had.

And then there was Carlisle. I remembered vividly the day of the almost accident when Edward had saved me from Tyler's van. I remembered how my jaw had dropped when Carlisle had walked in the room and the flash of electricity that had run through me when I got off the bed and stumbled and Carlisle had caught me. Mostly Carlisle was the reason I didn't want to end things with Edward. I liked the way my heart raced a little bit when he walked in the room and the flash of electricity that surged through me when he touched my hand. I knew it was wrong to hang around the house waiting to bump into him and lead Edward on like this but I couldn't bring myself to let it all go. 

That was until my disastrous 18th birthday party until now, sat in Carlisle's office my arm dripping in blood I could see the disastrous mistakes that led me here. Edward loved me, but he loved my blood more, and I would never be truly safe around him. I realised that now. 

My breath hitched as Carlisle took my arm and began wiping away the blood so he could get the wound to begin his stitches.

"Where is Edward?" I asked as I followed Carlisle's careful manoeuvres on my arm.

"Miles away by now I should have thought. Hunting with Jasper, trying to get his thirst under control," he answered never taking his eyes off my arm.

"I should have ended things with him you know. I should do now. I don't think I'll be safe around him," I started, "I love him but he's so young and immature. I don't think he will ever really grow up."

Carlisle nodded, "you have to remember, Bella, Edward was 17 when changed no matter how long he walks on this fundamentally he will always be 17." His logic agreed with mine. I knew this. I had realised many months ago.

"Then why do you seem so old Dr Cullen," I challenged smirking at him. His eyes met and heart skipped a beat. I was sure he could hear it.

"I was born in a different time, expected to mature faster. More responsibility at a younger age and I've been a doctor for over 300 years. That's a lot of time helping and maturing." He looked deep in thought, remembering his youth.

I felt his fingers softly stroke the soft bruising flesh of my arm. I bit my lip. I didn't trust myself.

"Do I need someone…" I hesitated not sure if I was brave enough to go through with this, "more mature?"

His golden eyes met mine and his mouth moved slightly into a crooked smirk, not unlike his adopted sons. He didn't say anything. I wondered if I had come too far if I could even stop myself now if I wanted to. 

"Carlisle," I breathed. There was a plea in there somewhere. I wanted him to know what I was asking for without having to ask for it. I wanted him to want me as much as I wanted him.

He leaned in towards me bringing his hand up so it cupped my face. I felt his sweet breath wash over my face and I instinctively closed my eyes and sighed into it.

"Bella," his voice sounded pained, desperate and when I opened my eyes I could see it in his face. He was torn, unsure if this was the right thing to do. I didn't let him think about it too much.

I leaned a fraction closer and felt my lips meet his. The energy coursed through me and I gripped his arms bringing him closer to me. He moved against me expertly tangling a hand in my hair so neither of us could escape. 

I could have been kissing him for minutes or hours. I had no idea, I just knew I didn't want this to end. This which had occupied my thoughts for months kept me awake at night with heat in my body I didn't know what to do with. 

He broke away only when I let out a little moan, it was against my will and I had no idea I had even made the sound until I felt him pulling away, detangling his hand from my messy brown knot.

"I'm so sorry Bella, I shouldn't have. That was a mistake. It won't happen again, I swear," he busied himself with the medical supplies next to me not looking me in the eye.

"Carlisle please don't say that," my voice trembled, "I wanted that. I've had these feelings for a while now and I never planned to do anything but you have to know that is all I have wanted for months." I became braver, angrier. 

"I get that you don't feel that way about me, that's fine, why would you?" I let out a humourless laugh, "but it wasn't a mistake for me. I can move on now I know."

He was suddenly at my side again holding me so the space between us was so narrow I doubted a piece of paper would have fit. "I want you, Bella," my heart skipped. "I want you just not like this, not rushed in my office. I want to court you and make you feel special but you need to tell Edward that your feelings have changed its only fair." He was right. Of course, he was. Though it suddenly occurred to me, the one person I hadn't thought about. Esme. 

"Esme," I gasped horrified that I could have done such a thing with her husband.

Carlisle smiled, "Esme and I aren't together. We are companions, yes and I do love her but as a sister or a friend, not a lover. It has just been convenient for appearance's sake to appear as husband and wife." 

Relief washed over me and then confusion. How did I not know? Why had no one told me?

Carlisle shrugged as I questioned him further.

"I thought Edward had told you," he said honestly. "Speaking of he's almost back."

Carlisle took the little tray with the bloodied bandage and set it alight. No use here having remnants of human blood lying around. At that moment Edward walked through the door. 

"Are you ready to go Bella?" he asked not meeting my eyes and holding my things. It wasn't a question then. I was ready to leave. Edward was ready for me to leave.

The car ride home was silent, I could hardly bear it.

"Edward," I started having to say something. I could not stand the silence.

"Bella don't," his voice was hard and sharp and made me recoil slightly into my seat. "Don't try and make this better, you were nearly killed tonight."

"But I wasn't," I murmured under my breath.

"You almost were and it was too be expected. What was the other outcome of spending all your time with a family of vampires?" I knew he wasn't asking me so I stayed silent as we pulled into my driveway.

"My world is too dangerous for you Bella, I've realised that now. It's time my family left you alone to find a nice and normal human life."

My heart raced. He couldn't mean this. No, no, no. I wouldn't have it. He couldn't do this.

"What are you even saying?" my face crumpled, trying to remain calm but knowing what he meant. I closed my eyes so the tears wouldn't fall.

"Myself, my family, its time for us to leave Forks. We've been here too long and you deserve and you deserve the chance at human life." He was stoic the whole time, his eyes never quite meeting my face and his face never changing.

"Edward, no please, don't do this," I begged the tears flowing freely now.

"I'm sorry Bella," he leaned forward and pressed his lips to my forehead for just a second and then he was gone. Disappeared into the night.

It suddenly felt like the bottom had dropped out of my world, I had to wrap an arm around myself to just to hold myself together. Sobs racked my body and I clutched on to the side of my truck not knowing how to move.

Everything was gone. He was going to leave and take them all with him. I wanted to scream, to be angry, to hate him but I couldn't. So instead I just stood there and let the pain consume me.


	2. Chapter 2

I wasn't sure how I made it up to my room. I vaguely remembered Charlie coming out to see what was wrong, to see why I hadn't come into the house. I don't remember what I told him but he must have helped me upstairs even if I couldn't quite remember it.

I sat letting my grief consume me on the hardwood floor of my childhood bedroom. I couldn't think, the pain was too severe. My entire family is gone. I knew that was what he meant and I knew despite the most perfect kiss just an hour or so earlier Carlisle would go as well. 

I wasn't naïve enough to think he would stick around for me. A gorgeous, immortal doctor with immeasurable wealth and his whole family. I knew he wouldn't give that up for me, a silly barely 18-year-old girl who couldn't even manage to make her boyfriend want to stay. 

I put the thought out of my mind. I couldn't think about Carlisle even wanting to stay. It hurt too much. Instead, I focused on the pain in my chest that seared through me like a white-hot branding iron. It was hard to focus on anything else. I let myself sit and cry and cry and cry. I couldn't do anything else. 

I had no idea what time it was when I came to. I was still laid on my floor, my coat still on and my face damp and cold from all the tears. My head throbbed and I felt confused. I couldn't remember why I was on the floor until it drifted back to me piece by piece. Oh. Oh. There was the pain again. 

I shoved the pain back under and stumbled to my feet. A glance at my clock told me it was 3 am. I'd slept for a while then at least. I dragged myself to the bathroom and stuck my head under the Fawcett washing my tear-stained face and catching some of it in my mouth to soothe the drumming in my head. 

I combed my fingers through my hair but the feel of my own hands on my head just reminded me of the person I wanted most. The person who's hands just a few hours ago had been clutching at my hair dragging my mouth to theirs. I chocked back the sobs.

Laid in bed in the total darkness I let the pain take me. I lay all consumed by it and allowing myself to feel. I had no idea what awaited me in the morning. I had no idea how to face Forks without them. I didn't even know if I could.

After I'd laid there for an immeasurable amount of time, whilst the sky was turning from pitch black to morning ashy grey, no pink sunshine morning skies here, I heard a thud at my window. And another, and another. Confused I pushed back the blankets and went to my closed window, jerking it upward.

"Bella, step back," the golden voice warned. I automatically complied with the instruction but before I could even register the voice the immortal god was standing before me.

"Carlisle what are you doing here?" I questioned.

"I had to speak to you. What Edward has done is wrong Bella but it may be one of the best things he has ever done," he could see the confusion in my eyes so he continued, "after you left today I went for a run with Esme, when we were far enough away I told her about the kiss. I said I didn't know what it meant but I couldn't be disloyal to her and I wanted her to know.

"She said she was happy for me, finding someone to make me smile after all these years. Being the amazing woman she is, she was nothing but supportive. We were going to go back to the house and tell the others we were separating but we would continue with human façade. When we got back to the house Edward called a family meeting. He said he wanted us to leave, that it was no longer safe to be around you. It caused quite an argument. Alice was determined we not leave, but Jasper supported Edward. Emmett didn't want to go but Rosalie was fine with the idea of leaving so he would support her," Carlisle paused.

"Oh Carlisle no, none of this is ever what I wanted," I cried softly, "I don't want my family arguing and tearing apart over me."

"Let me finish," he shushed me gathering me in his arms, "the decision was made that the family would leave." My body shuddered with an almighty sob. "the family will leave Rose and Emmett are going to go travelling for a while, Esme is going to go to our Alaskan cousins, Alice and Jasper are unsure but they think they may travel south for a while and wander up back this way when they feel like it, Edward wants to be alone," he sighed at that. I knew, and he knew, Edward going off alone would not do him any good. Already prone to the depressive episodes he needed to be around other people. 

"And you Carlisle, where will you go?" I asked steeling myself for my heart to break a second time in a night. 

"I'm going to stay here, Bella, for a little while at least," he said his golden eyes never once leaving mine. I could not tell what he meant and I was confused. What about their cover story? What would people think?

He could see it in my eyes for before I could even open my mouth to speak he pressed one perfect, icy cold finger to my lips.

"I will tell people that Esme and I have separated. She has taken the kids and gone home, it can be ambiguous. They will assume my work as a doctor got in the way, that I wasn't home enough. And Bella, I know what you think, but you haven't torn this family apart. We do this sometimes. It can be a lot to live together for eternity with no breaks. In a few years we will come back together," he assured me. That alleviated at least some of the pain. I didn't feel quite so guilty now.

"So what happens now?" I asked, "We never discussed what _that _was earlier on."

Carlisle sighed and I could see this was the part of the conversation he wasn't looking forward to. I felt a surge of bravery and before I could change my mind I started rambling to him about my feelings, needing him to understand.

"I have feelings for you. I don't know how long I have but I have. I know that for at least the last few months I've continued things with Edward because I didn't want to lose my family, lose you. I know you're older and I know you're feeling probable aren't the same but you need to know," I closed my eyes scared to see his reaction. 

I felt Carlisle cup my face in his hands as he sighed his sweet breath against my face.

"Oh, silly girl I have feelings for you. I would never have acted them, you cared for Edward. I was happy to let you go on with your life, with Edward. All I wanted was for you to be happy but now that you tell me you have feelings for me… well, sweet girl, I have to have you as my own." 

My heart jumped. I could not comprehend what he had said, it was beyond all my wildest hopes. Carlisle had feelings for me!

I pressed my lips to his furiously grabbing any part of his body that would have allowed me to, be closer to him. He kissed me back with abandon. His lips moving expertly against mine. I felt heat surge within me. Suddenly all I could think about was getting more. Feeling more of him against me, I couldn't get close enough to him. The only thing I could think was more.

His lips didn't feel cold against mine, all I could feel was searing heat. I opened my mouth slightly and let my tongue lightly brush against his lower lip. I was expecting him to freeze and pull away, as Edward had always done but he did not. He pulled me closer to him allowing me access to his mouth.

I wasn't sure how long I kissed him for but when I pulled away I was gasping for breath. Carlisle leaned his forehead against mine and chuckled lightly.

"Wow," I said breathlessly,

"Yeah," he agreed.

He froze suddenly.

"Charlies awake."

Quick as he came he was gone out of my window into the night, though I knew he would be back as soon as the cruiser was gone from the driveway.

Charlie knocked lightly at my door.

"Hey Bells," his face was tired with concern, "I was worried about you. Want to tell me what happened last night?"

I nodded, "Edward broke up with me."

"Bells, I'm sorry," he crossed my room and came and sat on my bed placing a comforting hand on my shoulder comfortingly. "I know how hard this must be Bella, but you're 18! You can move on."

"Yeah you're right," I agreed with him. "I think it was for the best. I mean sure it hurts but I don't think I felt the same way I did a few months ago. I think we had just grown apart." 

"Well I'm glad you're being so mature about this Bella," Charlie stood up. "I have to get to work but if you need anything you call ok?" it was less of a question and more of a demand.

"I will dad, love you."

I listened as his boots hit the wooden stairs and the door slammed shut behind him just a few minutes later. As soon as I heard the engine rev and pull away from the house Carlisle was back in my room.

"So what happens now?" I asked.

"We start slowly, get to know one another. I'd love to take you out sometime and treat you like the wonderful beautiful woman that you are." 

"I think I'd like that," I smiled at him.

"We'll keep it a secret for now. I don't know what people would think to the town doctor dating the chief's daughter when she just broke up with the doctor's son but it won't be a secret forever," he promised. 

He walked over to me and sat on the edge of my bed where Charlie had been not ten minutes ago.

"You have to go school," he stated softly but firmly.

"Can I come over after?"

"Of course my dear," he smiled his perfect golden smile and pressed his lips softly to mine once more and with that he was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

I made it through the day in some kind of a surreal blur. English, Trig and Spanish all passed in a haze without me following any of it and at lunch, I sat my friends. Angela and Jessica had expressed how surprised they were to see me and I had to explain to them Edward and I had broken up. I told them the cover story that Carlisle had told me. I explained how Carlisle and Esme were splitting up and the children were going with her.

Everyone expressed their dismay and said they were sorry for me losing Edward. I shrugged them off and told them that it was ok, I thought things would have ended soon anyway.

Honestly, I was just looking forward to the end of the day. I knew Charlie would be busy with work till at least 7 which gave me a few hours to go over to the Cullen's, or just Carlisle's now I guessed, house and spend time with him. I was excited about getting to know him more. Most of the time I had been over there before he had either been working or in his study. I suspected now that that might have been due to his feelings for me which I also suspected he was hiding from Edward.

As we were walking towards History Angela squeezed my hand and said how sorry she was that Edward was gone.

"Lets you and I do something, just a girlie thing like a movie or dinner, " I turned toward her excitedly, not letting go of her hand and looking her in the eye.

Edward had been so protective over summer and the spring before that I had never felt that I was able to spend any real time with my human friends, and I loved Angela. I knew how much I would enjoy just hanging out with her.

"Ok," she smiled shyly, "yeah I'd like that."

I made a mental note to make plans with her, I was excited about seeing my friends.

It felt strange like I had a new lease of life. I knew I should be upset that I had broken up with a man that I loved, and I was in away. I was mourning what had been but I was also grateful. I felt renewed. I was able to see friends again, and I was excited to see what would come with Carlisle.

It was with this excitement in the pit of my stomach that as soon as the school day was over I practically bounced in my truck and drove in the ever familiar direction the Cullen house.

No sooner had I cut the engine than the glorious blonde angel appeared at my door, yanking open the rusty metal with ease and offering me his hand to climb down.

"Hi," I smiled breathlessly. He did that to me, making me breathless. I wasn't sure there would ever be a time that I saw him and my heart didn't quicken.

"Hello…." He said gently pressing his lips to my forehead.

As we walked into the beautiful bright mansion I asked, "so what's the plan doctor?"

"Well, I thought we could get to know one another." I nodded in agreement. Yes, that certainly sounded like an idea. It dawned on me I only knew what Edward had told me which now seemed to be more of a story than someone's actual life.

We settled on a large sofa in the lounge. It was strange being here without all the others. I was used to hearing Edward play his piano, Emmett's booming laugh and Alice well.. just being Alice twinkling and glittering around.

I was sorry to see them go, although I knew I could not blame myself. Edward had chosen to ask them to leave, they had simply complied.

"I know, I feel strange without them all here as well," Carlisle said as if he were the mind reader.

"It just seems so big without them all. Do you miss them?" I asked.

"Of course, but we will be together again. Sometimes this happens for a few years at least. Alice, of course, will have seen what has happened between us and although she hasn't said anything I would think she will check-in, in a few months. Esme will be back to visit. You know she thinks of you like a daughter and well Emmett and Rosalie… that could take a year or two, depends how far they travel," Carlisle smiled recalling each of his family members. Well, each but one.

"And Edward?" I felt sad. I didn't want Edward to feel hurt or guilty, I loved him far too much for that, as a friend if not a lover.

Carlisle sighed, "Edward is a solitary being. I believe he was planning to spend some time alone although I think he will first go to Alaska and see our cousins there, after that, I do not know. I hope he knows he always has a home with me."

I took Carlisle's hand and squeezed it in my own, "I know he does."

Talking about the family made me feel better. I could not just carry on whatever I had with Carlisle and not think of them. They were my family too and I did not want to think they were driven from there homes because of me. I knew Carlisle was right though, I knew I was right, they all had to know that they had a home with Carlisle whenever they should want it.

We sat in silence for a while and I knew that we were both contemplating the loss of our family. I broke it after a few minutes asking, "so, Carlisle what did you do before Forks? I want to know everything," and I did. I wanted to know everything there was to know about Carlisle Cullen.

"Well you know I was born in London in the sixteen hundreds after I was changed I wandered for a long time. Hunting in England at first. It was a very different place then," a wistful look overcame him and I could tell he was no longer with me but in the England of his youth.

"There were great forests in England at that time, and bears as well. They roamed the country for only a few more years but they were there in small numbers. I was lost for a long time and it took many years for me to realise that I was never changing moving forward. I knew I had outgrown England, it was changing and I could not. So I packed up and swam to France. The countryside was even more pleasant and bountiful there. I roamed all over Europe, wandering learning and rarely coming across my kind.

"I felt very alone in the world and as far as I knew I was never going to die so instead of letting the depression take me I threw myself into studying. First in Paris and then moving to Italy. There were great medical schools in Italy in those days, in Padua and Bologna. It was there the Volturi discovered me, one the guard stumbled across me and took me back to meet Aro, Caius and Marcus. I was happy there for a time.

"I knew I couldn't stay there indefinitely, they had values that were just too different than mine so, after a few decades, I left. I wandered again. This time I found myself in the New World, America, I travelled and helped people the best I could. Until I met Elizabeth Mason. She guessed what I was or at least she guessed there was something different about me and she asked me to do for Edward what no one else could. I acted based on the sheer desperation of a mother, loneliness and tiredness. I was tired of being alone. It had been over 200 years and I thought he would be a companion to me. I never realised he would be a son as well." He looked up as if just remembering that I was there. I wasn't sure what expression my face, maybe one of shock and awe. I was processing what I had heard and my heart hurt for this beautiful man and his years on loneliness. I wanted to hold him and tell him that whilst he had me he would never be lonely. I felt tears threatening to spill in my heartache but his face did not look sad. He smiled, he looked happy.erhere

He pulled me against his chest so my head was resting against and my legs were curled up with his lengthways along the large sofa.

"Oh dear Bella, don't cry beautiful girl. I am happy. I have my family, I know they are loved and happy and I have you and that is more than I could ever ask for," he murmured against my hair before pressing his face into it.

"Not everyone is loved and happy," I whispered feeling an immense amount of guilt for sitting here feeling so happy and loved with Carlisle when no one knew where Edward was or if he was ok.

"No," Carlisle replied thoughtfully, "I don't think he is happy but he will be one day and as for loved well it may not be the love of a mate but his loved by his entire family. Who knows, maybe being away for some time will give him a chance to figure things out and get a little perspective."

I just nodded, not sure the guilt would ever really leave but being content enough in Carlisle's arms that I would try and put it out of my head.

He held me there for a long time asking questions about my childhood, my mother, where I had lived and where I would like to go. He asked if I could go anywhere in the world where would I go, I replied somewhere hot. That got a laugh out of him. He asked me everything about my favourite colour and song to what was my dream job. It seemed no detail of small, insignificant life was too little for Carlisle to care about.

We laid all afternoon on that sofa discussing our lives and hopes and dreams. On occasion, he would gently run his fingers through my hair, or as we were talking would pick up my slight hand his own and intertwine out fingers twisting them so he could see our joined hands at every angle.

He asked later on if I wanted anything to eat and I politely declined on this occasion knowing that I would still have to cook for Charlie later so I might as well wait and eat with him. I knew then as he asked that I hadn't realised it was getting later, almost 7 and Charlie would be home soon.

"I have to go, get back from Charlie," I sighed not wanting this perfect afternoon to end.

He nodded understandingly and disentangled our bodies standing up before me and then offering a hand to help me up. As I did stand up he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into him so out chests were flush and our lips almost touching.

"Isabella," he breathed as his eyes raked over my face. He softly bent down and pressed his lips to mine. I moved my mouth against him, the soft tender kisses didn't seem to be enough for me. I always needed more of him. I opened my mouth slightly deepening the kiss and just as he had before, he let me softly trace my tongue over his lips before I felt his ice-cold tongue touch mine and press against my soft human mouth. We stayed like this our mouths moving in sync for only a few moments before he pulled away smiling.

"I'm glad this time we can do it properly, not lying to anyone or in any confusion. Just us two figuring this whole thing out," he smiled down to me.

I nodded in agreement happy with where we were.

He followed me out to my truck and pressed another small kiss to my lips as he stood next to the cab door once I'd climbed in. I shut the door and started the engine. As I drove down the narrow winding path I could see him in my rearview mirror watching me and smiling the entire time.

**A/N: So the end of chapter 3, let me know what you think.**


	4. Chapter 4

We fell into an easy routine after this. During the week, on the days Carlisle wasn't working, I would go round after school and spend time with him. One weekend night I usually spent time my friends and if Charlie was at home on a weekend I would stay home and spend time with him, but more often than not he was fishing or at the station so I would go over the Cullen house. Carlisle was usually there but if he wasn't I knew where the spare key was kept I would let myself in. 

The eerie too big feel the large glass-fronted house had had when I first started visiting Carlisle on his own there had slowly dissipated. It felt more like my home now. I was used to the big empty rooms and roaming around barefoot with my headphones on cooking for myself in the far too expensive kitchen. 

Our relationship had begun to feel normal. I liked the sense of ease I immediately had when around Carlisle, it was an easy loving relationship and I didn't think I would ever tire of being in his company.

Carlisle still spoke to others, bar Edward who was on his roaming the Americas alone, and I was glad he still had his family. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I knew I had caused him to do lose the sons and daughters and even wife he so dearly loved. 

Esme was happy for us. She still thought of me as a kind of daughter and was glad Carlisle and I were happy. She had been staying in Alaska with the Cullen's Alaskan cousins. She was toying with the idea of going back to school and doing something maybe in childcare or healthcare. I had been an enthusiastic supporter when I heard that news. Esme was so kind and caring and patient, she was wasted not sharing that with anyone else.

Alice and Jasper were in Missippi looking for Alice's distant relatives. In our encounter with James in the spring, it had emerged he had also tracked Alice and she had been turned in an asylum around Jackson but she had family from her younger sister living in Biloxi. I had been happy to hear to this although I hadn't spoken to Alice directly, I had only heard what Carlisle had passed on. 

Rosalie and Emmett were on safari in Africa. After they finished there they planned on travelling around southeast Asia as an extended honeymoon, it was likely we would not see them for a year or two.

Edward was the one who played on my mind though, at night when I couldn't sleep I missed the security of him and even though I knew our relationship wasn't exactly healthy he didn't seem to be coping very well with the separation. The family had hardly heard from him and he had never checked in. Alice said he needed some time alone and he would come to terms with it and be happy again and although I wasn't in the business of betting against Alice it didn't quite stop the niggling worry that I was the cause of his unhappiness. 

Carlisle told me, of course, it was not my fault and that Edward, being the type of person that he was, occasionally needed some time alone away from the rest of the world, away from the constant barrage of other peoples thoughts in his head, so he could focus on himself and decide what was next for him. 

As the end of the year grew closer, the nights grew colder and the air darker I felt optimistic about my future. I was sure that once my senior year was over Carlisle and I could move somewhere together and be an open couple. This was something we had discussed on only a few occasions but I knew I would not be the only one having those thoughts, Carlisle must also be thinking about what our future together might bring. But there was one other thing on my mind; we hadn't had sex.

I wanted to and as October wore into November I was becoming ever more eager but I didn't want my first time to be some quickie on the sofa and then jeans back on and home to Charlie. No, this needed some planning.

I had decided Friday was a good night. Carlisle got off work around 8 and I knew he wasn't working Saturday but I needed an alibi for Charlie. I didn't want to start asking people at school because who knew how quickly it would spread and I certainly didn't want that. It was then, as I was sat mulling it over in my bedroom on the Tuesday before my plan was to take place that I got the phone call.

I felt my phone buzzing on my bed next to my ignored homework, looking at the nice surprised me. Alice. I picked it up hesitantly, unsure how to start after nearly two months of not talking. Knowing Alice though I needn't have worried.

"Bella," she squealed into her end of the phone.

"Alice, oh Alice it's so good to hear your voice," and it was. I hadn't realised how much I had missed her and her enthusiasm. 

"Bella, how are you?" she asked not giving me a chance to answer before continuing, "don't answer I already know. You and Carlisle!" she exclaimed although I knew she wasn't surprised, she must have seen it coming.

"Yeah," I responded lamely, "you must have known though Al."

"Well I certainly knew it was a possibility but the future is always changing," she told me very matter of factly.

"Are you ok with it?" I asked suddenly worried. I knew she had told Carlisle she was fine but that didn't necessarily mean it was true.

"Of course I am Bella," she cried, "I love you both so much how could I not be happy that you've found each other. Soulmates." I smiled I liked the sound of that. We hadn't said we loved each other yet though I was sure I did. 

"Thank you, Alice, you have no idea how much it means to hear you say that!" 

"Yes I do," she replied a hint of laughter in her voice.

So here's the plan" Alice began scheming, "tell Charlie that I'm coming back to Forks to spend some time with my father but that on Friday night I'd like to have a sleepover with my best friend. Tell him I get in on Thursday night and don't fly out till Tuesday so I have plenty of time to spend with Carlisle and besides he's missed having you around the house," I could practically hear the wink in her voice. 

I laughed out loud.

"Then come round Friday after school and get ready. There's everything you need in the bathroom in my bedroom including razors. I'll text you detailed instructions on how to use everything. There's also some candles around you may want to light," she was deadly serious in her instructions. Alice did not take planning lightly and I could tell from her voice that she did want to come home. This would allow her to play Bella Barbie. 

"Can you not come to visit Al?" I asked knowing it would be much easier if I had my best friend here to calm me down and make me over. 

"No, not this time," she said her resolve strengthing, "if I come this time he'll only be distracted by our scenes. You're on your own this time bells."

"Will he want it?" I asked suddenly nervous

"Oh yes," she laughed, "oh Jasper is here now, have to go, text me, love you," she reeled off and hung up before I had the chance to answer. I guess she could see I would say it backed. 

it had taken me by surprise how much I missed her. I needed my best friend and now I felt certain I was going to take advantage of every opportunity. 

It turned out that getting Charlie to agree to a sleepover with Alice was surprisingly easy. He loved Alice, everyone loved her. He was disappointed when I said she wouldn't have time to come visit him due to being busy with family commitments but more than happy to let me go stay over once I'd assured him a 1000 times that Carlisle was happy to have me and I wouldn't be imposing on a family weekend. I was just grateful that Charlie took my word and didn't call Carlisle, that would have ruined the surprise.

When Friday rolled around I found I could hardly contain myself. I was sat in last period English practically bouncing with anticipation. As soon as the bell rang I darted out of there so fast there was almost a trail of smoke behind me. 

I'd packed my overnight bag last night and it sat in the cab of my truck so I could head straight over to Carlisle's house rather than making the detour home.

The contains of the bad we're almost scary. It had my regular clothes for the weekend alongside some scarily racy lingerie. The kind that was black and lacy and was very much for show, as opposed to my drawer at home full of conventional, practical, comfortable underwear. 

I turned on the radio to distract myself on the drive over, listening to some mindless cheery pop.

I knew I had a few hours to kill before Carlisle arrived home and I didn't want to get ready too early so I busied myself in the lush kitchen preparing chicken for myself, warming thick bread and artistically preparing a salad. I picked it at it as I watched whatever was on the first Channel I switched on as I made my way into the living room to eat my food on the large sofa. It was some rerun of a sitcom I'd probably seen before that mildly amused me but at least kept my mind occupied. 

I text Alice as the clock ticked onwards one text that just read, 'nervous'.

She responded almost instantaneously, 'it will be fine' followed by a long list of directions of where I could find things. Some of the things the eyelash curlers, lipstick, I knew I would never wear but the directions for where her hairdryer and curling tongs were a little helpful. Whilst I didn't plan on making myself look a poodle I thought a little enhanced bounce to my already slightly curly hair would help with my allure. 

When I only had a couple of hours till he would be home I started to straighten the lounge, I'd already washed and put my dishes away, I refolded the throw that was kept over the back of the sofa for my benefit more than anything else, and straightened the cushions before heading upstairs for my mammoth task.

I easily found the shampoo, conditioner, body lotion and razor right where Alice said they would be. Part of me wondered if she'd seen this and had left them in an easily accessible place on purpose.

I turned the shower on as hot as I could stand and spent an excessive amount of time lathering and removing any stray hairs. I wanted tonight to be as perfect as it could be. I wanted Carlisle to find me attractive although at the minute I felt like little more than a girl. 

When I was done I wrapped myself in one of the large fluffy towels and made my way back into Alice's room and took the extra time to dry my hair and using the tongs curled my hair more tightly. Not going overboard but giving myself a slightly fluffier hairstyle I found myself satisfied. My cheeks were still stained red from the heat of the shower. I never wore makeup usually, I wouldn't start tonight I resolved. If Carlisle wanted me he'd want me as me he saw nearly every day.

I slipped the black lacy almost see-through underwear on and I could feel the heat in my cheeks rise, even more, to cover myself Id bought a little black satin dressing gown. I felt ridiculous, I felt even more ridiculous when I looked at the clock and saw it was just before 8. My heart sped up he'd be back so soon. 

I tried to make myself comfortable on the sofa. The office felt too provocative and I hadn't been in his bedroom before. I must have moved half a dozen times before I decided to tuck my feet underneath me and grab a book. I couldn't just sit here clock watching. I grabbed the book closest to me that happened to be a copy of Mansfield Park I'd left behind earlier in the week. 

I was flicking through the pages not focusing on the plot when I heard the garage door open and heard Carlisle's footsteps.

"Bella," he called "I didn't know you were coming over tonight my beautiful." I smiled at his term of endearment.

I heard his footsteps get closer. My heart began to race and I knew he could hear it. When I didn't respond he asked,

"Is everything ok?" The concern coloured his voice.

"Just in here," I replied meekly trying my hardest to keep my voice even.

"Bella - oh," his voice cut off as he rounded into the living room and quickly took in my appearance.

"What's all this?" He smirked

I stood up, my legs nearly buckling beneath me.

"I want you, Carlisle," I bit my lip no going back now. "I love you and I want to be with you in every way," I could feel my pulse beating in my ears. 

He quickly walked across the short distance to me and took me in his arms.

"Oh mi amore," he breathes quietly leaning his head down toward my neck. My breath hitched as I felt his lips press against my neck. "I have loved since the moment I saw you. Since you stumbled into the ER. I have never loved another like you nor will I," he breathed in between pressing gentle kisses to my neck.

"I love you so so much," I declared.

He chucked, "did you go to all this effort for me?"

"I wanted you to want me" I was finding it very hard to concentrate whilst he continued to kiss me.

He brought his lips up to my ear, "you never have to worry about me wanting you, I find you irresistible," he gently nipped at my ear with his teeth and I let out a sigh that very much sounded like a moan. 

"You've... never.. initiated.. anything."

"I didn't want to rush you into anything beautiful girl, I wanted you to be ready,"

"I'm ready."

He lifted me in his arms bridal style and carried me at his inhumane pace to his bedroom. 

If I wasn't out of breath before I was now.

He laid me down in the middle of his large white bed. He supported himself with one leg kneeling on the bed. I had never been more attracted to him than I was at this moment. 

He made quick work of untying the little gown that made kept me mostly covered and I heard his audible intake of breath when it fell open and he saw what I was wearing underneath.

He leaned down and kissed along my collarbone and top of my breasts.

"You are the most beautiful woman in the world," he said between kisses.

I closed my eyes and focused on how he was making me feel. He reached under me and unclipped the offending lace garment to give himself better access.

He moved his mouth downwards downward towards my nipple capturing it in his mouth. I let out a very audible groan at the feel of his ice-cold tongue. I involuntarily arched my back up towards him. 

"Oh so you like that," he chuckled before resuming his position on his oral assault of my breasts. He kissed his way across my stomach and my hips, every inch he went lower the ball of heat in belly grew.

"Please Carlisle," I begged breathlessly desperate for anything more than what he was giving me. He

"Patience my sweet," came his reply as he kissed my thighs and stroked my sides pulling his hands further downwards till they were sliding the obscenely small panties from my frame. Using his hands and mouth anywhere but the place I so desperately wanted them.

Finally, after what felt like an age of teasing he slowly and carefully traced his tongue across my wet core. I moaned in response, curling my fingers into the soft white down.

He eagerly lapped at me eliciting moans from deep within me and making my face contort into different faces. He stopped only once looking up at me, his mouth perfectly dripping and his usually perfect blonde quiff lopping over his forehead.

He growled, "God you're hot." Before diving back in pushing his tongue inside me making me cry for the Lord. He took his hands and used them to stroke my thighs before using one of his digits to expertly find my most sensitive nub. I was chanting a string of profanities now. It was all just too much. The heat within me couldn't take anymore and it exploded inside me. I felt like all the knots inside me had come lose at once and when I finally remembered where I was I felt the familiar blush spread across my chest and up onto my cheeks. 

Carlisle was stood now. Staring down at me his usually golden eyes were now the darkest shade of black. He slowly unbuttoned his shirt and unbuckled his belt never once taking his eyes off me. I watched him, my mouth half-open. I had thought before that just the mere presence of this godly man and his tender kisses were enough to start the fire inside me, but now, watching him remove his clothes at a torturously slow pace was driving me to the brink of madness.

"Carlisle," I moaned frustrated.

"Such a greedy little girl," he teased, "you want more already?"

I nodded whimpering.

I gasped audibly when he pulled his trousers down, shocked to see a lack of underwear and shocked at the size of the member that bounced free.

"Like what you see little one?" he stalked towards me and lowered himself down against me. I let out another little noise as I felt his hardness press against my against centre.

"Are you sure you want this?" he asked all teasing aside.

"Yes, I want you." He grabbed my leg and pulled it up around his waist and leant down to capture to my mouth as he slid inside of me.

He paused for a moment once fully ensheathed inside, waiting for my discomfort to pass. As he did he kissed me sloppily, rubbing his tongue against mine and exploring every inch of my mouth. When he pulled away the pain had passed and I nodded at him to continue moving again.

He moved slowly at first letting me adjust to his size, his brow furrowed in concentration as he took care not to hurt me. Very soon the pace became much too slow for my liking and I moaned at him begging him for more, harder, faster, anything just more.

He gripped the headboard above me as he began to move more furiously. All I could think about was the feel of him inside me. So big. So hard. I felt so full of him. I needed more. I needed to always feel this. At that moment I needed him inside me like I needed air to breathe. 

"Yes, Carlisle! Yes!" I all but screamed as his tempo increased, every movement forcefully hitting that sweet spot inside of me.

"You like that?" he grunted never letting his pace falter.

"Yes, Carlisle! God!" I cried out. I climbed higher and higher with every thrust grabbing his arms and running my nails down his back.

"So wet, so tight, so perfect," he growled against me. Hearing him talk like that between the powerful thrusts and the feel of his long, thick member inside of me tipped me over the age. I heard myself screaming his name but all I could think about what the euphoric pleasure inside of me. I felt my squeeze and milk his cock as I came around him.

"God Bella," he cried as the feel of my tight wetness pulsed around him. I felt his body go still underneath my hands which had remained clawing at his back as he exploded inside me. His eyes closed, scrunched up in pleasure and his mouth fell open as he cried my name.

I kept my eyes on him as I watched his orgasm fade and his eyes opened searching mine. He lay down but next to me so his head was on the pillow next to mine. I turned to face him and pressed my hot sweaty body against his eternally cold one. I still needed to be as close to him as I could be. As my breathing calmed down he placed a cool hand on the side of my neck stroking the soft skin there.

"How do you feel?" he whispered.

"Perfect. More than perfect. I can't describe how amazing that was, for me at least," I said suddenly self-conscious. "How was it for you?" 

He laughed, "the most incredible experience of my 300 hundred years." I ducked my head but he put his fingers under my chin and brought my face back up so my eyes met his.

"You are the most incredible creature I have ever beheld. I cannot let you go. Not now, not ever," he said earnestly.

"I love you, Carlisle," it didn't seem enough but it was so much, "with all that I am. Forever." I promised as my eyes fluttered shut suddenly tired. 

"Sleep, my beautiful girl. We have forever," he kissed my head one more time before pulling me into him. 

**A/N: Please leave a review. I haven't written in so long but it was so much fun writing it for Bella and Carlisle. Reminder I can also be found on Tumblr under **_**dr-daddy-Cullen.**_


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning I awoke feeling wonderful if a little sore and tender still wrapped in the thick white sheets. I felt Carlisle's stone figure next to me and felt his hand stroke my hair softly. 

"Good morning beautiful," his voice like music to my ears. I smiled.

"Good morning," I rolled over so I could snuggle into his side.

"There's tea for you," he gestured to the bedside table next to me and when I glanced over I saw there was a large mug with steam emitting from it. "You started to stir about 10 minutes ago and I thought you might like a drink."

"That was so thoughtful," I was touched by the gesture and felt a little moved as propped myself with my elbows into a sitting position where I could comfortably get my drink, taking care that the white sheets remained wrapped around me. 

"What time is it?" I asked,

"Only about 8," Carlisle replied. "I wondered if you wanted to go out today. We could go to Seattle? I know we spend a lot of time here but it would be nice to get away from Forks, be a normal couple together for a day."

I smiled. I liked the idea of that, of not having to hide. I didn't mind usually and after last night I was a little sad at the idea of ever leaving the bed but an actual date? The idea excited me.

"Yes I'd like that," I turned and pressed a light kiss to his mouth.

"Fantastic," he beamed. "We'll set off as soon as you are ready."

Carlisle, as every Cullen usually did, had gone overboard on my breakfast. As I walked downstairs after showering and dressing in my usual fashion of jeans and a light blue blouse I could smell the odour of pastries and eggs and bacon in the air. Walking into the kitchen I could see the whole breakfast bar was covered with carafes of orange juice, a freshly brewed pot of tea and all the eggs, bacon, pastries and fruit that my heart could desire. 

"Carlisle, you didn't have to," I admonished.

"I wanted to," he brushed me off. "Besides I thought you might be hungry after last night," he flashed me his grin.

I blushed and ducked my head at the memory. Carlisle walked around the large island and embraced me.

"Never be embarrassed. Last night was the best night of my existence," he murmured.

I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent wondering if I would ever get used to this, to him.

After I had eaten as much of the food as I could stomach without making myself sick, and after another quick brush of my teeth Carlisle led me out the garage. It was largely empty now that the others had left with their respective cars. 

I marvelled when he pressed the button on the keys he was holding and the lights flashed on Mercedes GT-S.

"We're going in that?" I said mouth slightly agape.

He laughed at my incredulous expression, "Of course. We'll get there much faster." He winked at me as he casually strolled over the vehicle and held open the passenger door.

I shook my head in disbelief as I slid into the plush leather seat. I didn't think I would ever get used to the Cullen's ostentatious wealth. 

The car barely made a sound as it sped out of the long winding driveway and onto the road. Carlisle casually laid his hand across the centre console and laid it palm side up, offering it to me to hold. I glanced at his face before taking it, it was perfectly serene as if was the most normal thing in the world. As I slid my smaller hand into his larger ice cold one, my heart skipped a little. This was again something we would not be able to do around Forks for fearing of someone seeing us.

"This is nice," I commented as casually as I was able, which wasn't very casual at all.

"Yes," he smiled, "It is. I just wish we could do it more often." I nodded in agreement.

"So what's the plan for today?"

He turned and flashed his brilliant white smile, "sightseeing of course." I nodded. I had been to Seattle before, but a very long time ago when I was little and didn't quite remember so it would be nice to visit, especially with Carlisle. 

I settled back into the seats, that moulded fully to every curve of my body, and laid my back against the rest, settling in for the long ride.

I had expected the drive to take near enough 4 hours, at least that's how long it would have taken in my truck, not including gas stops. But this car did it on one tank and I was surprised when we the Seattle skyline started to appear against the dull grey sky not 2 ½ hours later.

I hadn't checked the speedometer as Carlisle had driven, and in the smooth sports car, I could hardly tell we were moving at all. I trusted Carlisle and knew he would never have let anything happen to me. It was how I ought to have felt with Edward, but never quite did. The pang of regret and sadness hit me once more but I quickly buried it and focused on now. Here. With Carlisle, the man I loved. I squeezed his hand gently to reassure myself. 

I didn't know what Carlisle had planned for me as he pulled me gently along the crowded Seattle sidewalk but as we got closer and closer to the space needle I had a pretty good idea. As walked up to its entrance I groaned verbally.

"Do you not want to the Bella?" Carlisle asked concerned.

"No, I do. I'm just…" I paused embarrassed by myself. "I'm scared of heights," I admitted.

"Oh my love," he pulled me into his side, "you know I won't let anything bad happen to you. And if it fell I would catch you." He saw my startled expression and laughed. "Of course that will not happen, and I can tell you the mathematical improbability of it if it would." I shook my head.

"No, but maybe a kiss would make me feel better," I said coyly. 

"Any excuse to claim me in public, Miss Swan," Carlisle flirted back. He pulled me into him and pressed a soft kiss to my mouth. "Of course, I could never deny you," he said as he pulled away.

I smiled at how normal this all felt. Kissing my boyfriend in public on a date. Of course, my boyfriend was a vampire and my ex vampire boyfriends dad. I shook that thought away, determined not to let anything spoil today. 

As we rode the elevator to the viewing deck my palms grew sweaty and my heart rate increased. I knew Carlisle could hear it, even in this elevator full of people. He wrapped his arms more tightly around my waist and whispered in my ear, so no one else could hear, "I've got you, Mio Amore, I won't let anything happen to you." I felt a little calmer but still not entirely relaxed. 

When the elevator doors opened and exposed the glass surrounded floor I audibly gasped. Even at this distance, the view was incredible. Stunned I let Carlisle pull me forward until we were almost pressed against the windows. You could see everything from up here the whole city and the bay. I was so mesmerised by the view that I forgot about my usual fear of heights. Carlisle watched me intently as I took in the view, his sharp eyes focused on every movement of my face. 

"Its incredible Carlisle," I breathed as I turned to meet his gaze. He pressed his lips to my ear.

"It's ok, but with you standing here it can hardly be called incredibly." I felt my face light up and I bit down hard on my lip. He reached his hand and stroked the blush that had spread across me.

"Look at that," he whispered more to himself than to me.

I smiled and leaned into the palm of his hand. He studied me for a moment, and then dropped his hand and used it to clasp my hand.

He led me around the circular, glass panelled platform as we awed at the view. From every angle, it looked spectacular. 

I had asked if were eating but Carlisle said he wanted to take me to a place in the city, later on, so only grabbed a drink, or rather I got a tea, Carlisle got nothing. I joked quietly to him that I was happy to ask the server if they did elk blood for their more immortal patrons which earned me an eye roll and quick laugh. 

I hadn't realised how long we had been there when Carlisle said it was probably time for us to leave and I checked the time and realised we had been up the tower for close to two hours.

We walked down from the Space Needle towards the Pike Place Market where we wandered browsing in shop windows and chatting. I pointed out things I liked but Carlisle never pushed me to buy anything, knowing I was uncomfortable with him spending his money on me, although later in the afternoon as I looked at tourist souvenir stand he did buy me a light-up keychain that had the Seattle skyline on it and a fridge magnet. I would tell Charlie I got it shopping with Alice. 

As we wandered, hand in hand, I asked him what he thought would happen next year when after I graduated.

"Well, that depends on you il Mio Amore. What do you want to happen?" 

I was silent for a moment before answering. "I want to stay with you. I don't mind being human for a bit longer and I'll go anywhere as long as I'm with you," I answered truthfully. I hadn't much thought about the future. With Edward, I was determined to become a vampire as soon as possible but Carlisle was older and suddenly it didn't seem so urgent. 

"Well we have houses all over the country; Alaska, New Hampshire, New York, Illinois, Ohio…" he reeled off the names of states in which they had property. "If you want to go to college you can apply wherever and I will follow. If it is in a sunnier state I will work at night, I've done it before. And if you want to move abroad then we will. Just say the word my love and I will follow you wherever you want to go," he squeezed my hand and leant down to kiss the top of my head. 

"Do you mean that?" I asked.

"Of course Bella, I can't be without you now. It's simply unthinkable," he said it as if it were common sense but I had scarcely allowed myself to hope, fearing it may all be a brief affair for him and one day he would wake up and come to his senses and leave. 

"I couldn't ever be without you Carlisle," I admitted, "I love you far too much.£

"As I love you my Bella."

We walked quietly for a little longer before I realised it was getting dark and Carlisle pulled me into a little Italian that was tucked away on the corner of a street.

It was dark inside and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust. The restaurant was small but quaint busy with only a handful of the tables occupied.

The hostess led us to a small booth where Carlisle slid in across from me and ordered us two cokes and water for the table. 

"This is nice," I said.

"Yes, I read good reviews. The food is supposed to be lovely," Carlisle replied looking around.

"You planned this?"

"After last night I thought it might be nice to get away, and Alice said I had you for the whole weekend."

"You spoke to Alice?!" I squeaked suddenly alarmed. If had spoken to Alice how much had she told him? Had she told him that I planned the seduction? I felt mortified at the thought. He laughed at my discomfort.

"She texted me last night after you fell asleep saying 'she's yours for the whole weekend'. I thought then if we had the whole weekend it would be nice to get away from Forks and then I found this place online." I was relieved at his explanation. I was sure I would have died of shame had Alice of told Carlisle my entire plan. 

Suddenly reminded of the whole weekend though I pulled out my phone and shot off a quick text to Charlie saying shopping was taking a while so I would be spending a second night with the Cullen's. I hadn't told him how long I was staying for and didn't want him to worry. I quickly received a reply confirming his approval.

When the waitress came over I ordered a carbonara dish and Carlisle ordered the cheapest dish on the menu knowing it would be wasted but knowing it would look strange if he ordered nothing.

When the food came it tasted even better than it looks, I couldn't help but close my eyes and moan a little and the cream sauce enveloping my mouth. 

"God this food reminds me of Esme's cooking. I miss that. I miss her," I said before I could think it through and stop myself.

"I miss her too," Carlisle said sadly. "We were companions for a very long time and I do miss her. But it is you I am in love with Bella, never think otherwise," he finished making sure he was clear with me. I thought it was sweet.

"I know Carlisle. I love you but what you two had was for far longer than I've been alive and I love Esme as well. I couldn't be jealous or angry of that," I stroked his knee under the table with one hand whilst popping a forkful of spaghetti into my mouth with the other.

"You are so kind and thoughtful Bella. I must have done something right to have earned your love," he said softly stroking my hand that was still placed on his leg.

"I think I'm the lucky one," I admitted, "you're kind, the cleverest man I've ever met and practically a god!" he laughed out loud again at that.

"I'm glad you think so Bella, but with your hand, in its current location I would say you are the temptress right now," he teased. I winked at him as I finished another mouthful of pasta which made us both laugh. 

After the meal, I felt thoroughly stuffed, the kind of undoing the top button on your jeans kind of full. Carlisle paid the bill and half-carried me to the car, with his arm wrapped around my waist. 

I wasn't sure what time we made it home as the warm car and soft buzz of the engine quickly lulled me to sleep, I was vaguely aware of a pair of cool strong arms carrying me into the house and placing me into the soft bed where I once again lost consciousness. 

When I awoke it was still grey and dark outside, I had been in a deep sleep and was disorientated. It didn't look like the morning. I groaned quietly and rolled over forgetting where I was and colliding with stone next to me. 

"Careful Bella," the soft voice purred. "It's only 4, you can go back to sleep." It was then I became aware of my surroundings. Oh. I was in Carlisle's bed. Again. The thought made me flush with heat. 

I laid my head back on the pillow and reached up to stroke his perfect, angled face. His golden eyes bore down into mine as he propped himself up on one elbow and leaned his face down towards mine.

"Are you ok my love?" he whispered, his eyebrows furrowing slightly with concern. 

I didn't respond verbally, I pulled his face down to mine and pressed my lips to his. The electricity pulsed through once more as it had last night and I opened my lips slightly in surprise. His tongue traced my lips before he pulled away slightly.

"Isabella," he moaned. Hearing him say my name like that made the tight coil inside me twist and I felt a rush go through me. I sat up suddenly and he sat back in surprise. I climbed onto his lap and knotted my fingers in his hair. I pressed my mouth to his and used my teeth bite down slightly on his lower lip. He groaned into my mouth. It thrilled me that I was the one who could make him make those sounds.

"You have no idea what you do to me," he growled. I did know, or at least I thought I knew, I could feel what I did to him pressing into me. I moved just slightly so he rubbed against me. I felt his hand go to my hip where he ripped my panties out from around me.

His cold hardness pressed into my soaked centre and I couldn't help but moan at the feel of it. Just like before the fire was becoming too much, I needed so much more, I needed him everywhere.

He held my hips as he lifted me slightly and then lowered me down slowly onto his throbbing member. 

"Christ," he said through gritted teeth as I felt me envelop him. 

"Fuck, _Carlisle,_" I cried out as I felt him fill me up.

He left me there for a moment to adjust whilst he kissed and nipped at my shoulder and neck.

"More," I pleaded quietly once my body had adjusted. He took my hips again and lifted me and let me sink back down repeating this motion going faster every time. 

"Yes, Carlisle!" I moaned as he continuously hit that sweet spot inside me with his cock. I couldn't think about anything other than how good it felt. I told him this, crying out for him not to stop and that I'd die if he stopped. I felt a rumble deep in his chest. 

"Never Isabella. God, you feel so good," he nipped harder at my shoulder and I let out a squeak. 

I didn't know how long I had been atop him when he flipped me over onto my back. He took my hands and pinned them above my head holding both my wrists with just one of his hands. Using his other hand he brought one of my legs up so it was against my chest and quickly entered me.

I gasped at the feel of this. I could feel so fully inside me it shocked me.

"_Fuck Carlisle," _I moaned as he thrust into me relentlessly.

"You feel so fucking _good _Isabella," he growled deep in concentration as he focused on his thrusts.

I grabbed onto his thick, muscular shoulders and dug my nails in. He growled again low in my ear and I lifted my legs and locked them around his waist. 

I could feel myself getting closer to the edge. My breath was short and ragged. 

"Come, Bella, come for me," Carlisle urged and that was all it took. I let out a low scream and bit into his arm to stop myself from making too much noise. I felt myself squeeze around him as the world fell apart around me. 

As feeling this I felt Carlisle stiffen inside of me before he began to throb. I felt him explode inside me and it made the remnants of my orgasm that much more powerful. 

Carlisle moaned my name as he came and then after slowly removed himself from me. He rolled off me and lay on his side looking at me. I was covered in a light sheen of sweat and my chest was rising and falling raggedly as I tried to regain my breath.

"You're incredible," he whispered looking at me an adoring look in his eye. I turned to look at him and smiled.

"I love you, Carlisle." 

"And I love you, Isabella," he held my gaze for a long time before I rolled over and scooted myself back so I was pressed my back was pressed against him. He lifted the covers over me and wrapped his arms tightly around me as I fell into a deep, dreamless slumber. 

**A/N: New chapter. Please let me know what you think**


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: New chapter. It is a bit of a filler but stick with it exciting things are to come. Also sorry for the delay. 

The next morning a dull throb of misery prevailed over me. I was sad the weekend was over. I wished we could have stayed in the bubble of just us two forever but I knew Carlisle had to get back to work and I had to go back to school. In the back of my mind, I was replaying the conversation I had had yesterday with Carlisle so I knew it was only a few months before we could be together just the two of us but my heart ached for the time in between. It felt so far away. 

Carlisle was downstairs making tea for me by the time I came out of the shower and headed downstairs. He was in the kitchen with his back turned to me but it gave me a great opportunity to appreciate him. He was dressed in dark pants and a slightly lighter t-shirt that clung to his arms most spectacularly. I leaned against the door frame of the kitchen admiring him.

"Are you going to stand there all day ogling me or are you coming in?" he laughed with his back still turned to me. I rolled my eyes as I walked towards the breakfast bar climbing onto one of the stools.

"I've been thinking about our conversation yesterday," I started as he turned around and placed a mug of tea in front of me before leaning down on the counter resting on his forearms.

"What about it?" he asked casually.

"Colleges," I said slowly. He nodded waiting for me to continue.

"Well its two things," I changed tack becoming unsure of myself. "I want to be like you I just don't think there is any rush."

Carlisle took my hand, "There is no rush Bella. You're 18. I'm 23 physically, Esme was 26 physically. There is no need to rush. If you want to live out your days as a human I will be there with you for the rest of your life. If you want to become one of us then I will change you but not until you're ready." The sincerity in his voice almost made me emotional. I knew he would do anything for me and I had no idea what I had done to deserve it. 

"I do want to be like you, I just think I'd like to go to college first. Experience all of that kind of stuff first," he squeezed my hand encouraging me to continue, "and I think I'm going to apply to east coast colleges. New York, Penn state that kind of thing. I have the grades and if I could get scholarships and student loans I could probably afford the tuition."

"Bella, I can help you with tuition. I want to be with you forever, what's mine is yours." My insides melted slightly as he stared into my eyes whilst he said it. I still didn't want to take his money, it made me feel icky but I couldn't outright turn him down.

"We'll see," I murmured.

"Do you want still want me to come with you?" he asked quietly almost as if he was now unsure of himself despite the weekend that had transpired.

"Of course I do. I don't want to go anywhere you're not," I assured him astounded he could even think that.

He walked round to my side of the bar and kissed me gently.

I glanced at the clock. It was around noon. I had slept late as a result of my early morning activities. I felt my face blush as I thought of it. Carlisle noticed as well as he reached up to place his palm on my cheek.

"I should go," I sighed. "Don't want to leave Charlie alone all weekend."

"Of course," Carlisle nodded. "Your bag is on the sofa with your things in it. I'll get it for you."

Carlisle walked me out to my truck as he always did and lifted me into the cab. I was perfectly capable of getting into my truck myself but I loved the thrill that went through me whenever I felt his hands around my waist.

"I love you," he said as he gave me one final kiss.

"I love you too," he shut the door behind me and I started the loud engine.

The drive home gave me some time for reflection. I couldn't stop thinking about how perfectly happy I was. Carlisle was everything and my time with him was so perfect although never long enough. It almost felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like I was waiting for something bad to happen. I tried to fight that feeling down to where it came from. I didn't want anything to spoil the perfect weekend. The only thing slightly marring it was the perpetual guilt I felt over Edward. I wished I had some way of contacting him. Explaining the situation so he didn't just find out one day. How cruel that would be. I made a mental note to speak to Alice about it. 

When I got home Charlie was waiting for me, reading the paper at the table beer in hand. It being a Sunday where he was off duty and it being after 12.30 it wasn't too early for him.

"Hey Bells, good weekend?" he asked.

"Yeah went to Seattle yesterday with Alice. She bought a ton, I did not," I said jokingly as I set my bag down and checked the refrigerator for ingredients for dinner. Almost empty. I would have to go to the supermarket after school tomorrow. 

"Sounds like fun. How are the family getting on in California? Must be very a big adjustment after Forks," Charlie believed the lie. He had no reason to suspect that Carlisle and Esme hadn't amicably separated and she had gone to be closer to family.

"Erm, they're fine. A big adjustment. I guess she misses Carlisle. She's staying another couple of days I think," I was uncomfortable with the deep probing. I wanted the conversation to be over so I didn't slip up and tell him something I shouldn't.

Thankfully Charlie just nodded and went back to his paper. Mentally noting we had the ingredients for me to make dinner later I went to the living room to finish the homework I had due in the following week.

Later that night after dinner had been cleared away and Charlie had made his way to bed in good time for his early start I sat on my bed phone in hand. I was planning on calling Alice but I knew if I left it long enough she would see and call me first.

I had barely been waiting two minutes when the phone began to quietly buzz in my hand. 

"Hey Bella," he naturally chirpy voice instantly lifted my mood.

"Hey, Alice." 

"I don't have a contact number for you," she said straight the point as usual. My stomach sunk a little. Of course, Alice knew why I was calling and I had known this would probably be the answer but the disappointment was still real. 

"Oh," I sighed.

"He calls every so often but from a burner phone which he then destroys after he's called."

"Next time he calls could you ask him to call me. Tell him I just need to tell him something," I almost begged. I needed closure. I needed him to know. 

"I will," Alice sounded sympathetic and I knew she was.

"Anyway how was this weekend?" she asked after a short pause.

"Perfect, wonderful, extraordinary," I laid back on my bed smiling at the memories. "There are no words to describe just how utterly perfect it was."

"Did I do well?" she asked coyly. She knew she had.

"Of course Alice, thank you for those things. They were perfect. What would I do without you?" I laughed. Her tinkling bell-like laugh joined in. 

"I know I'm wonderful." I heard a voice in the background as she said this but couldn't place it,

"I have to go now Bella," she said hurriedly, "Love you."

"Love you too," I said rather confused but by the time I had finished the words the line had gone dead.

Confused at the sudden turn of events I placed my phone on my bedside table. Whatever it was I'm sure it was nothing important. Alice would have told me if it was.

I shook it off and turned out my light. I needed my rest after the weekend.

School was rather monotonous as usual. The only difference being that after the conversation I had had with Carlisle at the weekend I started filling out college applications. They were all east coast colleges, as discussed, filling out the personal information didn't take long but I had spent nearly every night working on the essays. I was bored and I missed Carlisle. It was Thursday and I hadn't seen him since Sunday. He'd been working nights at the hospitals, and needed to leave shortly after I would have arrived at the house there didn't seem any point in me going around. We had spoken on the phone when the time had permitted, on a morning before school or before I went to sleep when Carlisle could take a break. It didn't make it any less miserable. 

I missed him. I missed the feel of his arms and the sound of his laugh and the taste of his kisses. Being away from him even for a short time felt a little like part of me was with him and when we were apart that piece of me was missing. It was manageable knowing I would see him over the weekend. He had Friday and Saturday off before being back on call Sunday.

I had felt though, after my romantic weekend with my blonde Adonis, as though something had been awoken inside of me and I couldn't quite dampen it down again. I found myself at school daydreaming about the feel of Carlisle kissing my body when I was in the kitchen cooking all I could think about was the feel of his hands against me and when I was trying to work on a night it was especially bad with my mind constantly replaying the feel of him inside of me. 

On this particular night, it was all I could think of as I tried to sleep. My thighs rubbing together trying to dissipate the tension that was gathering between them. 

I checked my phone. It was around midnight. Carlisle would be a taking a 'lunch break' soon despite never needing one, he had to keep up appearances.

I fired him a quick text, _**'I miss you x'.**_

Only minutes later I received a response, _**'I miss you too beautiful girl but you should be sleeping'**_.

_**'Can't sleep. Can't stop thinking about you.'**_ I fired back. If he was able to text he wasn't needed in any dire emergency. It made me feel naughty. 

'_**Try!'**_ was my only response.

'_**How can I? After last weekend all I can think about is the feel of you against me. In me.'**_ I giggled to myself as I sent it. I was feeling far too aroused to care about the response or feel embarrassed as I usually would although after a few minutes of no reply I was starting to feel somewhat self-conscious. Another minute ticked by and still no response. I started to compose another text apologising when I saw his name flash up on my phone. He was calling me.

"Hi," I breathed into the phone as I answered his call.

"What do you think you're doing?" his voice sounded angry. Immediately I became nervous. "Sending me messages like that. I had to excuse myself for a break in my office," he continued.

"I'm sorry," I began the shame of my actions colouring my tone.

"I don't think you are," he voice took on another tone. One I hadn't head in Carlisle before and did not recognise. "I think you're a very naughty girl." I took a sharp intake of breath at those words.

"Carlisle," I sighed.

"Touch yourself," his voice quiet and demanding. I hesitantly reached down to touch myself. It wasn't something I was familiar with doing. I gasped sharply when I felt how wet I was. How desperate I was for release.

"Carlisle," I said again, this time it was more of a moan. 

"Are you doing it?" he demanded.

"Yes," I gasped as my fingers moved and brushed against my clit.

"Are you wet?"

"Yes, so wet." I heard his intake of breath.

"Rub your clit for me, Bella, make yourself feel good," his voice was deep and raspy. 

"Oh Carlisle it feels so good," I moaned again.

"Put a finger inside of yourself," he was demanding again. I was too turned on to not comply with his orders. He knew when I'd done it as I let out a little cry. I stopped listening for Charlie's breathing, I had forgotten to be quiet and I didn't want him waking up, I relaxed when I heard his even snores. 

"Are you wet Isabella?" he asked his voice like velvet sending another gush of moisture through me.

"So wet for you Carlisle," I cried quietly.

"Good girl. I want you to finger fuck yourself. I want you to fuck yourself and tell me how it feels," his words were ordering me and I was not in any state to disobey.

I moved my fingers so they were inside of myself and started to thrust slowly at first but then as I found more of a rhythm I sped up. I imagined they were the ice-cold ones I so desperately wanted them to be and moaned his name. I wanted him to know how badly I wanted him. 

"Tell me how it feels Isabella. Use your words," he commanded once more.

"Good. So good. So wet. And… oh! Carlisle! I can't," I was halfway between describing and begging. Soon words would be beyond my control. All I could think about was how good I felt. How I needed more. I desperately wished it was him but the sound of his voice and my own hands were doing a good enough job.

"Good girl. I want you to fuck yourself till you cum. Imagine they are my fingers. Imagine I am there with you with my fingers inside of you. I wouldn't stop Isabella. I'd keep going, even when you'd come for me." His breathing was more ragged now and his voice deeper. I was affecting him. Him listening to me doing this was a turn on for him. I would have been glad to know that if I hadn't been so desperate for my release, it was all I could think about. 

"You're a naughty girl Isabella. Teasing me. It's ok though, if you come for me I'll forgive you," his voice was sweeter now beckoning me to the edge.

"Carlisle I'm so desperate, I need you," I begged.

"I know sweet girl but keep going. Don't stop. Use your fingers and think of me. Think of how good I'm going to fuck you next time I see you. You won't be able to walk straight when I'm done with you sweetheart. I'll make sure you are thoroughly used," his dirty words sent me over the edge. I bit my lip to keep from crying out but I was sure Carlisle could still hear my quiet moans and my voice saying his name over and over again as I came for him. 

When it had passed he spoke once more, "Was that good sweetheart?"

"Yes, so good. I was so desperate," I told him stifling a yawn.

"I know," his voice was sympathetic. "Good to sleep now, sweet girl. Some of us have work," he chuckled darkly. 

"I love you," I murmured as my eyes closed and I felt sleep begin to envelop me. 

"I love you more than you will ever know," were the last words I heard before I succumbed to the slumber. 

**A/N: New chapter. Bit of a filler but please do review. It means a lot and remember I can be found on tumblr under the same username. **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: A bit of a shorter one but setting up something important!**

A blush spread over my face as I entered the Cullen house the next night. The previous nights' activities had made me feel good but I was still so embarrassed by acting that way, being with Carlisle in that way was something I was still adjusting to. My heart sped up as I entered the Cullen house. I needn't have felt like that though, as soon as I was over the threshold Carlisle swept me up in his arms lifting me off the ground and swinging me around. I let out a little squeak in surprise at the sudden movement. I felt Carlisle breathe in deeply as he buried his face into my hair.

"I missed you so much," he murmured. I wrapped my arms around him even tighter than they had been, wanting to feel as close to him as possible.

"I know. This week has lasted an age," I agreed. We stayed like that for some time. My feet lifted off the ground, held in his arms feeling his cold hard body pressed against mine. I breathed in his delicious, sweet aroma trying to commit to memory for the next time we had to be separated.

Finally, after I don't know how long, he placed me gently on the ground.

"Right, are you hungry?" he clapped his hands and turned towards the dining room without waiting for an answer. I followed him obligingly questioning silently what he had done. I was shocked. Although, after last weekend I wasn't sure why. There was a veritable feast on offer at one end of the large dining room table. There was a delicious looking pasta in a creamy sauce, fresh bread and salad.

"Carlisle," I gasped, "did you do all of this?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "It was nothing. I had time." He pulled a chair out for and I walked over to him pressing a kiss to his lips in thanks before I sat down.

"Bon Appetit!" he smiled sitting down at the chair to the left of me.

I grinned as I tucked in. With all the college applications I had been filling in and sending off this week it occurred to me that I had neglected to properly feed myself. Now with all this delicious looking food in front of me, I felt the hunger catch up.

Carlisle sat patiently watching me ram half the food down my throat till I didn't physically feel I could fit anything further in my stomach. It felt like one of those undo-the-top-button-of-the-jeans type moment. I leant back and stretched trying to adjust the uncomfortably full feeling.

"How was it?" he asked his eyes scanning my face.

"Incredible! Where did you learn to cook?" I exclaimed.

He laughed, his pure, perfect laugh, "Esme." I laughed with him. Now I understood.

"Of course, the world's most amazing vampire chef." He smiled and took my hand at that. We sat for a moment, looking into the eyes of each other. I knew what he was thinking, I was thinking about it too. We both missed her dearly.

Carlisle stood up and shook his head as if to shake the thought away, and told me he would leave my plates and do them whilst I was asleep. Instead, he pulled me through to the large white lounge where he already had candles burning and the lights dimmed.

"Do you want to watch something my angel?" he asked in his glorious velvet voice, always making sure I was happy.

I smiled at him and nodded my approval. In truth I wasn't bothered about watching anything but I relished the thoughts of more hours spent laying with and being close to Carlisle. He set us up on the sofa, wrapping a large comforter around me before lying me between his legs. I buried my head into his chest as he flicked on some generic romantic comedy.

The film never grabbed my attention. Throughout I made myself busy playing with the buttons on Carlisle's light blue shirt, undoing them and slipping my hand inside to feel the perfect contours of his chest and craning myself upwards to plant kisses along his neck. A few times he admonished me and told me to watch the film but the slight grin never left his face so I knew he didn't mind too much.

When the film was over and the screen had returned to black I pushed myself up so I was crouched straddling him and whispered in his ear, in the most seductive voice I could muster, "is it time for bed yet?" I felt him let out a growl that rumbled his chest, and he did a half-smirk his eyes flashing with passion before lifting me over his shoulder in a fireman style carry to the bedroom.

The next morning I awoke with the same satisfied feeling I had the previous weekend when waking in Carlisle's bed. I rolled over, a silly, sleepy grin plastered to my face. Carlisle was laid next to me clad only in cotton pyjama bottoms.

"Good morning beautiful," he breathed as he brought his face closer to mine and planted a kiss on my forehead.

"Mmmm good morning," I yawned as I stretched out.

Carlisle reached up to smooth the wild brown mop on my head, his eyes roaming over me with a look of adoration in them. I was fully aware of Carlisle's love for me but my heart still jumped at moments like this. A Greek god looking at me as though I were the most beautiful thing in the world. His words only confirmed the look in his eye.

"How are you so beautiful all the time?" I bit my lip and felt a blush creep up over my chest and face.

I leaned into his neck to hide my embarrassment, "Says you the world's most beautiful man." I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck. He did the rest of the work and pulled me onto him so my body was flush with his.

"You don't see yourself clearly at all, Isabella," a jolt when through me when he used my full name. I had never liked it but whenever Carlisle said it, it was like a surge of electricity racing through me.

He started covering my shoulders and neck with kisses, nipping at the skin ever so slightly that it made me let out a slight moan.

"I'll never get enough of this, of you," I sighed. I felt him smile beneath me against my skin. He flipped me over at his impossible vampire speed to give himself more room to continue his assault against me. I closed my eyes and bit my lip to keep from moaning again. I knew he could feel how much I wanted him. As much as I had wanted him last night. As much as I had wanted him for months. This, however often it happened, never seemed to be enough for me. I let myself relax into it, tuning out everything except the feel of his cold mouth against my skin when he abruptly sat up his eyes wide in panic. I scrambled to sit up as well and gather the sheet around me.

"What is it? What's happened?" I asked alarm making my voice squeak.

"Someone's here," he said with a distant look in his eye. He wasn't with me now, he was tracing whoever it was that was on their way here, to our usually quiet paradise.

"Carlisle, who is it?" I asked raising my voice slightly and placing my hand on his cheek to get his attention.

Without looking at me he said one word that made my stomach drop and my heartache, "Edward."

**A/N: Please review if you liked it, they really do give me the motivation to keep going. I can also be found on tumblr at dr-daddy-cullen. **


	8. Chapter 8

Before I had the chance to even move Carlisle was up and moving around the room too fast for me to see. By the time the breeze left in his wake had settled he was fully dressed and had his hair combed back. 

"Get dressed but stay here," he murmured not making eye contact with me. We both knew how hard this was going to be, I knew he wanted to shelter me from it. I nodded my assent but he was already gone. I had no intention of staying in the bedroom. Edward would know I was here anyway so it seemed pointless. I'd rather face them both. This was my battle.

I quickly jumped up and scrambled for yesterdays clothes. I threw them on and yanked a brush through my hair as I rushed out the door and headed for the stairs. As soon as I had made it down I heard the click of the front door, Edward was here. My heart sped up. I tried to swallow the sick feeling as I made my way through to the living room where I knew they would both be.

As I entered I could feel the palpable tension. Edward had entered seconds before me and was staring icily at his father, no doubt reading every thought in his head. It was like a dance between them. Edward trying to read Carlisle's mind, Carlisle trying to pre-empt Edward's next move. They danced around one another slowly, so slowly, it took me a moment to even register that they were moving at all. They were both crouched slightly, slight hunters pose. They were wary of each other. Carlisle wary of Edward's reaction to me being here, Edward trying to understand why I was here so he could act accordingly. 

"Why is she here?" he spat out, his angry black eyes never leaving Carlisle's golden ones. He must know the answer. He was clever enough. Maybe he thought it was a mourning exercise, healing together from our fractured family. Maybe we didn't have to tell him the truth. I was scrambling, desperate for this to not end in a fight or frayed relationships. I knew as soon as the words went through my head that they were a fantasy. Even if Carlisle could hide his mind from Edward it would only cause more hurt if we were to lie now and tell the truth later. Let the hurt come now and let us then heal the more rational side of myself argued.

Carlisle didn't respond and he didn't look away. Instead, he addressed me. "Go back upstairs please Bella." 

"Let her stay," Edward said before I could argue. "There's no point hiding your thoughts Carlisle, why is she here with you?" Edward said every word measured.

Carlisle's eyes flashed to mine and I saw the slip in his concentration. I saw the look of pain flash over Edward's face as it crumpled before he quickly regains composure. He let out a chocked cry. 

"You're sleeping together." It wasn't a question. It was an accusation. The words sliced through me. What Carlisle and I were doing was so much more than that but how did I quickly explain to the man who was the son of my soulmate, the man who had been my first love, that I didn't love him any longer? That I believed his father, for all intents and purposes, was my true soulmate? How did I feel that when I was with Carlisle my entire world was complete? How could I explain that? 

"Edward it isn't what you think," I rushed out desperate to calm the ever-rising tension in the room. He turned to me. I didn't think black could burn but his eyes certainly were. I didn't know if he hadn't fed for a long time, or if it was pure anger. Neither were great for me. The pain was still there on his face. I could see he was trying to hide it but I knew him too well. My heart broke all over again. I had never wanted to hurt him. That had never been my intention. I loved Edward so much, I just wasn't in love with him. 

"Then why did I see a memory of you naked in his bed?" his words were calm but his mouth turned upward in disgust. "Why is he still here Bella? Why are you here?"

"I'm in love with him," I couldn't stop the words coming, I didn't know if I wanted to. It was the quickest, truest answer.

"In love? Since when?" I closed my eyes wishing the situation away.

"Since the summer. Maybe before. I couldn't tell you. Maybe from the first time at the hospital after the accident with the van," the words were honest but I had never felt so ashamed. I felt like I was betraying him, betraying everything we had.

"I loved you, Edward," the words were a plea filled with a desperation for him to understand that I had always cared about him. That I would always care about him. "I still love you, I just… love him more," it was a confession. One I had always known to be true but had never admitted to anyone. I knew Carlisle wouldn't be mad about it. He would accept it, he probably already knew. He knew of my guilt but admitting it myself out loud was like I was betraying both of them. Greedy, selfish Bella Swan in love with Edward Cullen and his dad. I hated myself.

I could see the pain in his eyes, he was scrambling to understand. "How can you say that Bella?"

"Because it's true," I cried. "I do love you both. I wanted what we had to be enough but I am human Edward. I grow and change and you never will and I think I outgrew you," the tears flowed freely down my face and my hands gripped at my hair. I was desperate to end this emotional pain. 

"I wasn't enough?" I could hear the pain if he could cry I was sure he would be. 

"Yes. No. I don't know, Edward!" I was so confused. How could I explain how much I loved him but how my whole world felt whole with Carlisle and when he was away it felt like he had taken a piece of my soul with him. "All I know is that loved you but I loved Carlisle more. And I am sorry. I am sorry that I didn't tell you, that I wasn't honest but I was so scared of losing all you. You were my first love Edward but we weren't meant to be. Surely you can see that? We were never even. You were always saving me. My mind held more attraction for you to decode than I did."

It was silent for a long moment. I couldn't stand it but I couldn't stand the pain that was being caused by every word I spoke. 

Finally, he turned to Carlisle. He nodded slowly to himself as if coming to some personal understanding. "You," he said his voice laced with venom, "you disgust me. You are nothing more than a perverted old man preying on a young girl. Lusting after your sons' girlfriend? Was it her age that did it for you. That when you met her she wasn't even old enough to consent?" his words were spat out and I could see Carlisle flinch at them. 

"Of course not Edward," his voice calm as ever though I knew the words had to be hurting him. "If she had never said anything, if you had not of left I would never have said anything. I would have cared for, of course, but I would have kept it to myself. If she had been happy with you I would have kept a distance and let her be happy." He was so thoughtful and kind it made tears prick on my eyes.

Edward was silent for a moment, contemplating, before saying quietly, "how long?"

My stomach dropped once more. No one said anything.

He raised his voice repeating the question, "how long?"

"My birthday," I whispered keeping my eyes on the ground.

"We were still together," he noted his voice twisting the words.

"Just, Edward. You broke up with me an hour later," I reminded him.

"And if I hadn't what would have done?"

"Ended things first. I couldn't betray you like that. Sneak around behind your back. I love you too much," I explained gently. He needed to know that I had never hurt him intentionally.

He laughed humourlessly, "just not enough".

I shook my head, "I'm so sorry, Edward."

I walked toward him slowly and put my hand out gently touching his forearm. He shook me. That hurt but I deserved it.

He looked up first at me, meeting my eyes for a long while though it was impossible to tell what he was thinking. He then turned his gaze toward Carlisle for a similar amount of time before saying to us both, "you sicken me."

As quick as he came he was gone leaving not but the breeze of air behind me.

I choked out a sob. That was it then. Edward knew. There had been no grand fight, though I was glad for that, I couldn't have bared either of them being hurt physically as well as emotionally over me. There had just been a nasty exchange of words and views shared on all sides.

Carlisle was at my side in a flash. He wrapped his arms around me, taking my weight as I collapsed to the ground no longer able to support myself.

"Shh Bella. It will all be ok," he murmured into my hair reassuring me.

"I'm so sorry," I choked out between sobs.

"You don't have to apologise sweet girl. He would have found out eventually. It is better it happened now rather than years down the line." Carlisle always had the right words. He always knew exactly what to say to make me feel better.

"He's your son. I took him away from you."

"No Bella, you were honest with me. And I am glad for it. Edward will always be my son, he knows that but he is hurting and he deserves time to heal." Carlisle took my face in his hands wiping away my tears with his thumbs. I felt abysmal. I would rather have died than hurt either of them, I didn't say that out loud for fear it would cause Carlisle more hurt than I already caused.

I didn't deserve either of them, I knew that I also knew it was pointless to keep speaking so I let Carlisle sit there with me on the floor whilst I cried for the both of us. I cried for myself and the hurt I had caused, I cried for Carlisle losing Edward and cried for the tears he could and I cried for Edward for how I had hurt him. Edward who had only ever tried to protect me. 

I was sure how long I sat there but we sat until my sobs stopped and my tears dried in silence, each of us contemplating what we had done and the hurt we had caused. We couldn't bear to part with each other, that much I knew, but I wondered if it was worth all the pain we caused to ourselves and Edward. 

We sat there until the phone in Carlisle's pocket rang. I didn't move expecting it to be the hospital. I only moved when he repositioned me to take it out of his pocket and when he said in a confused voice, "It's Alice." I turned around to face him, so I could see him talk into the phone to her.

"Hello Alice," he was always so polite and pleasant.

I heard a muffled sound on the other end. Alice must have asked him to put her on loudspeaker because he put the phone between us in front of him.

"It's Edward," she said her voice strangled. I met Carlisle's eyes which reflected the same fear and worry back at me that I knew mine were showing. "He's going to tell Charlie."


	9. Chapter 9

"What do we do Alice?" Carlisle asked. Immediately switching into crisis management mode.

"I don't know," came the small reply from the other end of the phone. "I think Bella should go home and be honest with him but it won't be pleasant."

"Thanks, Alice," Carlisle nodded to himself and ended the call. We both sat for a moment. Neither of us making eye contact. 

My heart felt like it might break and the sickness I felt ran all the way through me. I wanted to close my eyes and make it all go away. I wanted to stay here with Carlisle, in our perfect little bubble. We could run away and ignore Edward, ignore Charlie and deal with this all another day. 

I put it to Carlisle. "Lets just run away. Pack up quickly and just go. Then it can just be me and you and we won't have to worry about Edward or Charlie or any of it," it was more of a desperate plea than a real suggestion. 

"No Bella," Carlisle shook his head sadly. "You know we can't do that. Edward would find us and it wouldn't stop the hurt we've caused him and Charlie won't let you go. He'd call the police and we would be tracked. Yes, we could evade them but that's no way for you to live." 

I moved over to where he was sat at the other end of the white sofa and wrapped myself around him so my arms and legs were around his torso and my chest was pressed against his back. I leaned my head against his back. 

"I love you. I love you so much I can't be without you," I whispered feeling very vulnerable. I couldn't lose him. He was everything to me.

He held my hands, placing his arms on mine. "You won't be without me, my angel. I can't be without you either." He turned his head and pressed a kiss to my cheek. 

He moved and gently untangled me from his body pulling me onto his lap.

"We will get through this," he said his golden orbs blazing into my eyes. "I will come to see you on a night and lay with you. I will speak to Charlie. I will make this better," it was a promise that I believed. I could never doubt Carlisle. He was a god incarnate. But I wasn't stupid, I knew this wouldn't be easy and the idea of running away did seem so much easier.

He leaned forward and pressed his forward against mine repeating, "we will get through this together." I closed my eyes and let a few silent tears run down my face.

"I don't want to go home."

"You have to my angel," he breathed against me. "We have to face this."

We stayed like that for a little while. His head against mine just breathing one another in. Eventually, though we had to detangle. I had to go home and face the music. Face Charlie. I gathered my things silently and left. Carlisle kissed me at the door. It wasn't just a kiss goodbye. It was a kiss filled with everything that needed to be said. Our desire and love for another. Our need for another. A promise between the two of us that we would be ok. That we wouldn't let this break us apart.

The drive home felt long and arduous though I had done it so many times before. I was filled with a feeling of dread like I was walking into a tigers lair.

Maybe this would have been easier if I had been angry if I had been filled with some burning rage. A hatred for Edward that we would do this to me but I could never feel those things. I wasn't angry at myself for loving Carlisle, how could I be when he made me so utterly happy? I wasn't angry at Edward. He was hurt and I understood that. I was pained in myself that I had caused that hurt but I knew Edward wasn't acting maliciously, he was hurt and in that hurt maybe he genuinely thought it was the best thing to do. If I was in his position would I have done the same thing? Maybe. I could see where his concern came from. Carlisle may be only physically 23 but he was over 300 years old, he was wise in a way I struggled to comprehend and maybe Edward genuinely believed that Carlisle was using that wisdom to manipulate me into his bed. I would have thought that Edward knew Carlisle too well to think that he would ever do something like, or that Edward would at least care enough or know me well enough that he could respect my decision. So it made me sad that he would do this, go behind my back to Charlie, but I couldn't be mad at him.

When I pulled up in front of the house I could see that shadow of Charlie waiting for me in the kitchen. I took a deep breath in readying myself before exiting the truck and going into the proverbial lion's den. 

The door had barely shut behind me when Charlie called sternly, "Isabella, in here." Crap. My full name. He was angry.

I dropped my bag by the door and went through the little door into the kitchen.

"Hey dad," I tried to make it sound happy and optimistic but even to me, I could tell it was strained and strangled. 

Charlie's face was barely holding its composure. He was flushed and his jaw clenched but he was clearly trying to rein himself in.

"Edward Cullen came by here this afternoon," he said to sound relaxed.

"Oh did he?" I asked biting my lip. This felt torturous.

"Yes." He was staring me down now. "He had an interesting idea. He seemed to think that you were in some sort of relationship with his father, Doctor Cullen." I held his gaze but didn't say anything. I needed to know what else Edward had said.

"I, of course, said that was ridiculous. That you had only seen Doctor Cullen when you had had a sleepover with Alice," Charlie paused and the sickness in my stomach intensified. "And do you know what he said to me, Bella?" 

"What?" I said my voice barely above a whisper.

"He said that Alice hadn't been to Forks to stay over since she left and that you had been having sleepovers with Dr Cullen," his voice took on a hard edge and I cringed and bit down on my lip.

"Now Bella, I want you to be honest with me. Have you been having a secret affair with Carlisle Cullen?"

I didn't answer for a very long time and my silence was confirmation enough but Charlie wanted me to admit it.

"Well, Bella?" He prompted. 

"I love him," It was barely more than a whisper but Charlie heard it. He did a double-take and caught himself against the kitchen counter, turning away slightly looking horrified. 

"You love him," he said to himself and then louder in an accusatory shout, "you love him! Bella, you just broke up with his son three months ago and he's an adult for Christs' sake!" 

I had forgotten this. Charlie believed the lie. He believed Carlisle was supposed to be around 30 rather than his very real 23.

"I'm 18!" came my childish reply. I was aware of how juvenile that response was but without telling him all the things I couldn't tell him it was all I had.

"Just Bella!" He took a breath and I could see the cogs working in his head. "How long has this been going on?" He asked trying to see whether I was underage when it began.

"After Edward left," my voice was quiet. I would answer his questions as best I could but I wasn't volunteering any information.

"How? I need answers Bella," Charlie was becoming increasingly frustrated with my non-committal responses.

"I thought you liked Carlisle dad!" I pointed out. I somehow didn't think that telling my father Edwards' vampire brother attacked me because of how good my blood smelt and then I seduced my boyfriends' father whilst he was stitching my arm up would go down too well. 

"That was before I knew he was preying on my 18-year-old daughter!" Charlie shouted.

"He's not preying dad." Charlie was silent for a moment. Thinking before saying, "You're going to Jacksonville."

No, no, no, no. I couldn't go to Jacksonville. I couldn't leave Forks. All of sudden the world stopped and did a 180 turn. If arguing with Charlie was going to get me sent to Florida then I needed to change tack. I had to agree with Charlie. Stop seeing Carlisle, agree to whatever punishment was coming my way and I work everything out with Carlisle after as long as I stayed in Forks.

"No, Dad, please don't send me to Florida," I begged. "Forks is my home." I wasn't just saying that to stop him sending me away from Carlisle. It had been almost a year since I had moved here and Forks really had become my home. 

He looked at me for a long time, studying my torn face.

"Please dad," I whispered.

Charlie walked over to the little kitchen table and sat down placing his head in his hands. I chewed on my lip nervously not wanting to say anything that could upset him further.

After an excruciatingly long silence, he looked up at me. 

"Ok but you're banned from seeing him." My heart sung at those words, though I was sure it was because Charlie didn't want to explain to Renee why he was sending me there and less about my persuasive begging. "Since you're 18 I can't arrest him, as much as I would like to. So that's it then. No more seeing Doctor Cullen." I took in a sharp breath at those words. Charlie wanted to arrest Carlisle. 

"But you can't see him again Bella and if the rest of the Cullen's come back it is best if you stay away from them. And you're grounded forever." It wasn't a request. I would not be allowed to see any of them as far as Charlie was concerned. As much as I wanted to argue with him, to declare my love for Carlisle I knew not to push it. I knew I could probably see Carlisle behind Charlie's back and I knew Charlie wouldn't want to listen to anymore pleading. I was lucky, I'd gotten off lightly. 

Charlie shook his head and got up from the table, walking into the living room and switching the tv on. I stood motionless in the kitchen for some time until I was sure it was over, that Charlie wouldn't be back to argue about it again.

When I was sure he was settled I tip-toed up to my room anxious not to disturb him.

I flopped down on my back on my bed and let out a loud sigh. How had some much happened in one day? How had I been in Carlisle's arms making love only this time yesterday? It made my head spin. 

I pulled out my phone from my bag and fired over a message to Carlisle. I was sure if Alice hadn't already told him he would be worrying about what had happened.

'**All ok. Banned from seeing you though B x'**

He wrote back almost instantly.

**'Ahh. Well, I thought as much. I'll come over tonight when he's asleep. Leave the window open. C.'  
**

I left it there. Anything I had to tell him could be done later. Not for the first time I was grateful for Carlisle's supernatural abilities and his lack of need for sleep. It wouldn't be possible to only sneak around so convincingly were he human.

I decided the best thing to destress myself was a long shower. I grabbed my bag and some fresh pyjamas and made my way to the bathroom. I made sure the shower was hot and already steaming by the time I got in. I took my time thoroughly working the shampoo through my hair and combing through the wet conditioner to give it a detangle. 

The hot water not only soothed my body, but it also made my mind feel more at peace. Edward knew now and there was nothing I could to do change that. Charlie knew and understandably wasn't very happy but there was nothing I could do to change that and I wasn't going to stop seeing Carlisle. I wasn't sure I could. I felt tied to him as if I was away from him for an extended period I would break. the cord between us would snap and I would never be the same again as if I had lost a part of myself. The thought of being away from him was unthinkable. 

When I finally turned the water off and got out of the shower I took my time dressing and towel drying my hair. It was still early and I wanted to drag out the time before Carlisle would come.

Charlie had ordered pizza. It was supposed to be the two of us for a family dinner but that had gone out of the window when Edward had told Charlie about me and Carlisle so in the end neither of wanted to try cooking.

I sat quietly on the sofa, my legs wrapped underneath me. I nibbled on a slice of pizza, taking my time with it while I opened with Jane Eyre for the 500th time. I'd been sat for a while and was getting to the part where Rochester proposes to Jane when Charlie started speaking.

"I'm not mad at you Bella," his voice was soft and uncharacteristically paternal. "I'm mad at him, he took advantage. I'm just looking out for you." I chose to ignore his comment about Carlisle taking advantage, telling Charlie that I had initiated things with Carlisle probably wouldn't go down well. So, I bit my tongue and just said, "thanks, dad." He smiled at me awkwardly before turning the volume back on the TV and going back to the game. 

I felt sneaky and I wasn't a sneaky person but it wasn't as if I could just move in with Carlisle, so I needed to keep my home but I also wasn't prepared to lose Carlisle either. I wished Charlie could be more open and understanding but unfortunately, it looked like I was going to have to be sneaky, at least for the next few months. 

I had been in bed for some time when Carlisle came through my window. I had retired early and spent an hour sitting at my desk doing schoolwork when I heard the thud of Charlie's feet on the stairs. He knocked on my door and popped his head around to say goodnight and no doubt to check I was where I said I would be. 

I listened carefully for him to settle down and when the creak of his bed had stopped indicating he was settled I slowly packed my things into my backpack for the next day and climbed into my own bed to wait. He appeared like an apparition about 10 minutes after Charlie had begun snoring.

He smiled gently and crossed the floor to my bed. He slid onto the bed next to me and opened his arms out for me to burrow into.

"How are you beautiful?" he asked after pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

I sighed. "I'm ok. Not thrilled at the way everything has turned out. Being banned from seeing you and everything."

"But here I am," he said chuckling lightly. "No ban could keep me away from you Isabella."

"I would die if I had to be apart from you," I said simply. It wasn't dramatic. It was true.

"I know," was all he replied.

We laid in silence for a moment listening to my breathing. I was enjoying the coolness of his smooth chest.

"I've spoken to the hospital," he said after a minute. "I'm going to be doing day shifts from now on so all my nights will be spent with you." I turned in his arms so my eyes met his and pressed my palm to his cheek.

"Thank you, Carlisle," I said before pressing a kiss to his mouth. 

"I've also spoken to Esme," he said gently as I settled back into his arms.

"What did she say?" I asked. She knew about us and was supportive.

"She's going to speak to Edward when he next contacts her. Try and make him see some reason."

That was good. Edward loved Esme, hopefully, she would be able to get through to him. The time away to process should help as well. 

"Everything will be ok Bella, I promise you," Carlisle whispered into my hair as he pulled me closer to him and my eyes began to feel heavy.

"I love you," was my only reply before I let sleep take me.


	10. Chapter 10

Life settled down into a routine after that. Due to being grounded I no longer saw Angela or any of my other friends outside of school but I did see Carlisle on a night. He tried to avoid night shifts where possible and crept into my room after Charlie had settled down and gone to sleep. We kissed and talked in hushed voices but there was no more sex. But if that was the price I had to pay for having Carlisle in my life, then it was a price I was willing to pay.

Christmas was a quiet affair. Charlie was still mad at me, though we had made amends somewhat. To be honest, it would never have been a big affair. We had no family in Forks other than each other, but the quiet suited us.

New Year passed in much the same way. Billy and Jacob came over on New Year and it was nice to spend time with a friend. Jacob had grown since I had last seen him and was now taller, over 6 foot and more muscular than I remembered even though it had only been a couple of months. 

On Christmas night Carlisle crawled into my room just before midnight. He laid with me and as we held each other and kissed he presented me with a gift. It was a simple silver chain with a little silver heart on it. It was beautiful and perfect.

"Cold and hard just like my own heart, but just like my own heart it too is all yours," he has said the trace of a sad smile at the corner of his mouth.

"Carlisle it's beautiful," I had breathed tracing the dainty heart. That night I had put it on and it had never left my neck. Charlie had asked once, I shrugged it off saying Renee had sent it to me. I knew he wouldn't check.

It made the present I had got Carlisle week inadequate. I had gifted him cufflinks with our initials carved into them and a map of the stars the night we had first kissed. I had used some of my savings for them and had gotten them the one time Charlie had allowed me out, to Port Angeles to Christmas shop around a week before the big day. He knew I had to send Renee something and he had benefited too with a new fishing rod and holder for his bait. 

We had not heard from Edward since the event. That was how I thought if it now. The event. He had checked in with Esme and ignored her when she had tried to reason with him. He said he needed time to think and had taken off again, living the life of a nomad.

Carlisle assured me that Edward could come around he just needed time and that tended to pass differently for vampires. Years could pass for them before they even noticed how long had passed.

I had thought my guilt would assuage when Edward knew but instead my guilt just took on a different form. I wished I could sit him down and explain though I knew it would make little difference.

Carlisle had said he would try and talk to Charlie but the opportunity had not presented itself and I was worried it may make things worse. Whilst I wasn't exactly enjoying sneaking around with Carlisle it was better than him being chased out of town by the Chief of Police.

As the weeks wore on Charlie's grip became somewhat less tight. I was allowed to spent time with my friends, only after Charlie had spoken to their parents to confirm I was going there. He wouldn't have me running off the Cullen's again.

I relished the slight taste of freedom the first Friday I got to go to Angela's house to stay over. Her parents were away and her grandparents had her younger brothers so were having a girls night. Pizza, movies and a break from the craziness that was my real life, not that Angela knew about that.

Angela wasn't one to probe naturally but it was a natural question as we laid on her carpeted living room floor half watching 10 Things I hate About You for the thousandth time.

"So how come your dad grounded you?" I groaned inwardly at the question. I didn't have a convincing lie, everyone else had just accepted my grounding at face value, I wasn't exactly an outgoing person before.

"Erm it's complicated," I hedged around the question. 

"I only ask because everything seemed fine and normal and then you were grounded out of nowhere," she continued, not in a forceful way she sounded genuinely caring and concerned for me.

"I was seeing someone and Charlie didn't approve. They were older," I explained being careful in the details I gave.

Angela's mouth fell open in shock.

"How much older?" she asked,

"10 or so years," or 300 I thought in my head.

She was silent for a long time and I began to panic, thinking I had said too much.

"Wow, Bella, I had no idea," she was shocked. Understandable I guess, I had been very secretive but for good reason.

"Yeah," I said lamely. "Well, Charlie found and put a stop to it so now I'm just coming out of the punishment." 

"You weren't.. you know…" she paused, "Taken advantage of?"

My hand flew to my mouth in a shock, a pained giggle escaped from lips.

"No, God no. I pursued him." She sighed her shoulders visibly falling with relief.

"Oh Good. I was worried there for a moment." We were silent for a moment before she asked, "Now what?"

"Now I get into college I suppose," that lightened the mood. Enough of the heavy we began discussing where we had applied, where we hoped to get into most of all, our finance plans for college given neither of us came from particularly wealthy families.

Angela was hoping to get into Washington State with Ben but had also filed applications at the University of Washington and Alaska. I told her I had applied to the University of Pennsylvania and Brown and Washington State. 

It was nice to reconnect. I had gotten caught up in Carlisle and started neglecting our Friday evenings and then with being grounded it had been weeks since I had spent any real-time with a friend. I had to remind myself it wasn't normal to spend all my time running with vampires, sometimes I needed to nurture the human in me.

When I was leaving the next morning she pulled me in for a hug and said, "you can always trust me, Bella. I'm always here for you." 

I hugged her closer and said, "I know, Ang, love you." Angela truly had become such a good friend to me whilst I had been in Forks. We were kindred spirits and I felt a pang of pain knowing that in only a few short months I would be saying goodbye for the last time. 

Tensions at home had eased though when I arrived home on Saturday morning Charlie still looked at me with the air of suspicion.

"How was Angela?" he asked tentatively, testing me.

"Good. We talked about college a lot. She's hoping to go with her boyfriend Ben but she has also applied to Alaska," I said deliberately giving too much information. If I overshared he couldn't think I was lying and sneaked out to see Carlisle.

"That's far," he commented.

"Only about the same as the east coast," I reminded him. He gave a little 'hmpf' at that. I knew he was proud of me but he wished I would stay closer for college. But didn't every parent wish that?

The rest of the day passed rather uneventfully. I did laundry and cleaned the house. Given that it was the kind of bright winters day where the sun shone giving the impression of warmth only to find when you stepped outside it was freezing. The kind of winters day Forks didn't often have. The winters in Forks were usually dark and dreary with rain and black ice. Not bright and sunny and filled with the promise of spring. I took advantage of the dry fresh air and opened my window slightly to let the air circulate. 

I found myself rather happy. I plugged my headphones in and sung quietly to myself as I gave the house once over. That gained me quite a few amused looks from Charlie. I didn't let myself feel embarrassed, I just smiled back and carried on with my cleaning. 

Once the house was done; the kitchen and bathroom cleaned, floors tidy and hoovered, my bed made and room clean I felt very at peace. The light shining in just made the house gleam even more. I was proud of my handiwork.

My next task was refilling the scant fridge. We had eaten through the store-bought food and had been living off of the fish Charlie caught and kept in the chest freezer. 

I popped my head around the living room door.

"Dad is it ok if I go to the supermarket? We don't have a lot of food left," I explained. I had gone shopping in my time since being grounded but I wanted to stay in Charlie's good books so it seemed appropriate to ask first.

"Yeah sure, the money is in the jar," his eyes flicking off the sports game on the screen for just a moment. 

I grabbed the cash from the jar and my jacket and headed out. I breathed in the first, cold air enjoying the feeling of it in my lungs.

The supermarket was uneventful as supermarkets often are but I managed to get a good week's supply of food, possibly more if Charlie wanted to go to the diner which was likely given it was Charlie after all.

As I climbed back into the cab of my truck my arm filled with produce my phone buzzed with a message from Carlisle. It was instructions to meet him at the start of a trail not 15 minutes past the Thriftway. I knew it must be urgent otherwise Carlisle would never ask to meet me in the day, not at the moment he knew it was too risky.

I drove as fast I could pushing my old truck to her 50 mph limit. The anxiety knotted itself in my stomach as I chewed on my lip till I could taste the disgusting familiar metallic taste of blood. I grimaced to myself.

The entirety of the short drive my mind pondered on the most awful circumstances. Someone had died, the Volturi were coming and they knew about me. I knew for Carlisle to ask to meet in the middle of the day it must be bad.

When I arrived at the edge of the wooded path there was no other car there. Not Carlisle's black Mercedes or even perhaps an off-road vehicle like Emmett had. I was kind of expecting something like that. I killed the engine and sat in the eery quiet waiting for him. My leg tapped nervously and I picked unconsciously at the skin around my nails. An old habit I had had for years that only showed itself when I was most anxious. 

I had been waiting not 5 minutes when I heard the door of the cab go and felt Carlisle next to me.

I turned to face him, not saying anything but the panic and worry written on my face. I could see the concern reflected in his own eyes. So he was worried as well. Then it must be bad. His eyes softened upon meeting mine but the worry didn't go away as I might have expected it to. 

"Bella," he breathed his hand reaching out to stroke my face. I closed my eyes for a moment and let myself enjoy the feel of his touch. Then the worry knotted again and reminded me of its presence.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Carlisle let out a deep sigh.

"Victoria is back. She's been in Forks."

At that moment my heart stopped and my world went quiet. Victoria was back. For me. With everything that had happened with Carlisle and Charlie, I had forgotten about that. I mean not completely, I just hadn't worried about it. It seemed far removed from me and I focused on the more immediate stuff. That seemed silly now. Childish. How had I put of my mind a bloodthirsty vampire who wanted vengeance for her dead mate? I shook my head. 

I could feel bile rising as I processed the information. Victoria was back. Victoria was back. It was an out of body experience. I could hear my breath getting shorter and shorter and yet I couldn't seem to do anything to slow it down. Victoria was back.

"Bella," it was Carlisle's voice that snapped me out of my spiral. Oh, he was still here. I shook my head trying to shake away the fog. When I look up his face was full of doctorly concern. I could see his eyes scanning mine, doing a basic once over to make sure I was ok. 

"I'm fine," I breathed finding myself short of breath. "Just shocked is all." 

He took my hand in his. I watched as he enveloped my smaller hand with his larger, stronger, cold one. He thumbs brushed across the sides of my fingers were I had picked the skin till it bled. Good thing he was immune to the smell of human blood, 

"I wish that was all my love," he sighed. There was more. I was right. The Volturi were coming. We were all going to die. Me, Carlisle, Charlie, the rest of the Cullen's. That was it. My breathing crept up getting faster and faster until I was almost hyperventilating.

"Bella," his voice was sterner this time. Demanding I snap out of it. I looked up at him.

"Sorry," I mumbled taking a deep breath trying to control myself. "What else?" Whatever it was couldn't be worse than the news Victoria was back.

Carlisle took a deep breath this time, seemingly steadying himself.

"She's got an army."

"An army?" I questioned. "I don't follow."

"A newborn vampire army. When we are first changed we are never more physically powerful than in our first six months of this life, whilst our human blood lingers in our tissue," he started to explain. 

"They used to be very common, in the south. They were used to fight over territory. They are deadly. They are seldom controlled but they are powerful. They could wipe out entire towns in one night."

I was less panicked now, more focused. So there was a newborn vampire army out to kill me. Fine. Easy. We need a plan.

"How do we know this? That Victoria is doing this?"

"Alice saw her. She was being careful but she slipped up, all it took was a second and Alice saw it and fit it all together. The murders in Seattle, the destruction is too much for a human. It all makes sense."

I had seen that in the paper. I hadn't given it much thought at the time. Charlie had gone on a rant about the dangers of cities and I had more or less tuned out. I had heard that rant before.

"So what happens now?" I asked. If Alice had seen it she must have a plan.

"The family are coming back. They want to be here to protect Forks. To protect you. I can't take them out on my own." 

"Edward?" I said his name cautiously, sounding it out in my mouth as I said it.

"I think he'll come back too. He won't leave you if he knows there's a chance you could be harmed. 

"So she's coming here then? To Forks?" I just realised what he has said. That the family were coming back to protect the town. If Victoria came here she could quite easily slaughter Forks, just like Carlisle had said about those vampires in the south.

"Yes," Carlisle squeezed my hand, "but that's why the family are coming back. They won't leave Forks unprotected either. This is our home." 

"When will they be here?"

"Tonight."

I bit my lip, suddenly nervous about seeing them all.

"Also Bella, I think its best I talk to Charlie now. I need straighten things out with him because I don't want to let you out of my sight."

I nodded in agreement. I would have fought it but we had bigger battles. Literally. 

I leaned my forehead against Carlisle's, needing to feel close to him.

He whispered to me, "you trust me don't you sweetheart?"

"Yes," I whispered back. "With my life."


	11. Chapter 11

My stomach was in knots all afternoon. If Charlie noticed anything he didn't say anything. I spent the longest time cutting all the ingredients for the tacos I was making for dinner. I tried to drag it out as long as possible because if I could focus on doing something then maybe I wouldn't be so worked up.

It wasn't just about Victoria either. Obviously, that was a concern but I did trust Carlisle. I knew he would protect me. I was more worried about seeing the rest of the family. It had been over four months since they left and things were different. I was with Carlisle now. I couldn't help but wonder what they must have thought of me. Some kind of homewrecker probably.

Carlisle had said Esme was happy for us but how true could that be? He had been her husband. I knew Alice was pleased and I guessed that meant Jasper was as well. Edward was hurt so that just left Rosalie and Emmett. Emmett would probably go along with Rosalie who hated me anyway and now probably blamed me for breaking up her family. Great. This would be just great. My mind worked in overdrive every time I let it stray I would always conclude that I was hated. 

I tried to must it out of mind and focus on the evening with Charlie. I was too keyed up to stick around Charlie for very long. So, after taking my time clearing the dishes and wiping down the kitchen after dinner, and after an attempt to watch some TV with him I announced I was going to bed. He looked at my warily when I said it so I knew he would be checking on me later in the night but I didn't push it.

I sat at my desk and tried to focus on school work. Despite all the supernatural going's on I still wanted to at least try to get into college. I tried to focus on a few Calculus questions but I kept getting distracted and having to read and reread the questions. In the end, I plugged in my headphones and turned on some heavy metal music. That sufficiently drowned out my thoughts and I was able to do some work. I didn't hear Charlie knock on my door so when he tapped me on my shoulder to say a final 'goodnight' I about flew out of my chair, yanking my headphones with them.

"Sorry, Bella." He said sheepishly his face looking embarrassed. 

"It's ok," I said still catching my breath. "You shocked me is all"

He ducked his head at that. I knew the reason he had come was that he thought I would sneak out. He used to do it when he thought I would be sneaking out with Edward. 

"Oh well sorry about that," he said awkwardly before adding, "goodnight," and shuffling out of the door.

I received a text from Carlisle just after Charlie had made his way out of the door.

**I'll pick you up when Charlie is asleep. X**

This must be it then. Everyone must be back and I'd be seeing them. My heart started racing again. I laid down on my bed and tried to practice controlled breathing but it didn't seem to be having any great effect.

About 30 mins after Charlie started snoring Carlisle appeared through my window. Just seeing him made me feel more at ease.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"It's now or never," I replied. I wasn't ready but I wasn't sure I would ever be ready. It was like a band-aid. Needed to be ripped off in one painful go.

"Come on then," he held his hand out and I stood up and walked towards him to take it. He gently slung to me on to his back and jumped out of my window. I buried my face in the crook of his neck so I didn't have to watch. When he landed on the ground he paused slightly and I took that opportunity to kiss him on the cheek, reminding him of my love for him, before he took off running into the night.

I felt the wind rush by me but I never dared look up, I knew doing so would make me immediately sick. I only left my rigid position when I felt him start to slow down and then finally looked up when he stopped. We were just in the tree line in front of the large house. 

Carlisle took a look at the house and then a look at me. He pulled me into his side and said,

"I love you." My heart swelled with emotion.

"I love you too." He lifted my chin and pressed a tender kiss to my mouth. As he kissed me I wished in vain we didn't have to go into the house. That we could run away and just be together alone. I've lost count of how many times I've wished that over the last couple of months.

One day, I remind myself. One day.

He pulled away and smiled at me.

"Let's go."

I knew Jasper was there because I could feel the waves of calm washing over my body before I had even entered the house. I would have been self-conscious about this once an upon a time but not tonight. Tonight I was glad. I wasn't sure how much more anxiety I could take before being sick. 

Alice was the first the greet me as I walked through the door. She bounded toward me in a flash of colour too fast for eyes to process before I felt her rock hard body crash into mine.

"Bella," she squealed and instantly my mood was lifted. It's hard not to be made happier by Alice and her infectious mood. I squeezed her back and breathed her in. I had missed my best friend.

"I missed you," I admitted burying my face against her hair.

"I know," her voice always a sing-song lilt. "I missed you too."

As she pulled away from me I noticed Jasper stood towards the edge of the room. Keeping his distance. He stood poker straight, hands behind his back. He nodded at me once.

"Bella," his mouth picks up just slightly at the hint of a smile. I smile back at him and I feel my cheeks with flush with colour.

"Hi, Jasper." 

Esme is the next to approach me. She's slower than Alice and as she walks toward me I notice how perfect and put together she looks. A tidy purple dress and her caramel hair perfectly coiffed. It knocks my confidence slightly. I can never put out of my mind how long she and Carlisle were married for and, here Esme is all perfect and put together and here I am in jeans and a sweater. It's a nice sweater, cream with a fancy scoop neck but still, I feel very insignificant.

It's a funny feeling. I had never had any reason to compare myself to Esme before now. The part of me that found Carlisle attractive, that felt a certain pull, I had just closed away in the back of my mind. I had thought he was happily married, had found his soul mate in Esme so I never let it bother me. There was no point but here, now my cheeks flushed as I took in her perfection.

"Hello dear," she greeted me warmly smiling. She took me in her arms and lightly kissed my cheek. It was impossible not to love Esme.

"Hello Esme," I said meekly returning her hug. When she withdrew she smiled at me for a moment before moving on to Carlisle who was stood beside me in the doorway.

"Carlisle," she greeted him fondly. She took him in her arms and they pressed kisses to each other's cheeks. It wasn't jealousy that prickled inside me, or at least not jealousy seeing them do that, it was envy. I wanted that relaxed easy relationship. Maybe we had it before Charlie and before Edward, or maybe that was us still getting to know one another, a honeymoon phase. It wasn't the comfort that comes from spending 90 years with one person. I saw Jasper out of the side of my eye give me a quizzical look as he felt what I felt. I shrugged lightly at him and turned away. This wasn't something that needed going into right now.

I noticed casually that Rosalie and Emmett weren't around to greet us though Carlisle had said they were coming home. I guessed Rosalie still wasn't my biggest fan, not that I blamed her.

I felt Carlisle come up behind me, he placed a hand on the small of my back.

"Shall we?" he said as he guided me through to the main living area. The last time I had been here had been when Edward was here and I felt slightly sick thinking about it. I swallowed hard as I walked into the room.

Edward was stood off to one side, looking at the ground and Emmett and Rosalie were stood by the television. She was firing darts at me so I quickly looked away. Emmett gave me an apologetic smile but I knew he had to stand by his wife.

The atmosphere was charged. I'm sure everyone felt as sufficiently awkward as I did.

Rosalie was the one to break the silence first.

"Why are we risking our lives again to protect her?" her voice was laced with venom.

Carlisle put a hand on my shoulder protectively. "It's not just about Bella anymore Rose," his voice was patient and calm and I was reminded of the insurmountable love Carlisle had for his family. "It's about Forks. Victoria's' army could destroy the entire town and these people are innocents. They do not quarrel with us. They don't deserve to be collateral damage.

"The wolves have agreed to help us. We're going to meet them tonight to do some training with them. I thought Bella should be present for that," he continued. I watched Edward closely as Carlisle spoke. He never made eye contact with anyone and continued looking at the floor. I did notice that whenever Carlisle said my name Edwards's lips turned up slightly in a sneer. Still not ok then. 

It was the word wolves that caught my attention. "Wolves?" I questioned.

"Yes," Carlisle turned to face me. "You might want to sit down." He guided me over to the sofa and sat me down. The rest of the Cullen's remained in the room. Clearly, the information about to be shared with me was relevant to them as well. 

"The legend of the Quileute tribe is that they are descended from wolves," Carlisle started. I nodded urging him to continue.

"They also believe they have a sworn enemy. That they are destined to kill. To kill vampires that are. When there are vampires around the wolf gene takes over as it is their natural instinct to use this form to protect humans." I let out a small gasp but as he talked I was remembering a conversation I had with Jacob Black almost a year ago.

I was remembering walking with him on First Beach at La Push whilst he told me a tale of his tribe. At the time I had been trying to figure out what Edward was and I hadn't paid much attention to the stuff about the wolves. I remembered now though.

"The cold ones and the wolves. They are enemies and the cold ones can't go on Quileute land," I said under my breath to myself. Carlisle, with his vampire hearing, cocked his head in surprise.

"You know this already?" I nodded slowly still remembering that cold wet walk along a beach when I had tried my pitiful attempt at flirting.

"About a year ago I went to La Push with my friends and a comment was by one of the Quileute kids. 'The Cullen's don't come here' and I was trying to figure what Edward was after the incident with Tyler's van and I asked Jacob about the comment and he told the legends. I only just remembered the stuff about the wolves. At the time I wasn't that interested in that part of the story," I let out a slight chuckle at that and on looking up saw that both Carlisle and Edward had a slight smirk on the faces.

"I didn't realise it was all true though." I didn't know that all of it was true. The legends and the fairytales.

"Yes, it is," Carlisle said. "I spoke to Sam, the alpha of the pack this afternoon. He's agreed to help us, to fight with us to defend the town and Bella. The more vampires in the area the more Quileute boys may transform so the numbers will be good," I watched Jasper nod in agreement at Carlisle's words.

"Numbers will help. Tonight, I will show you all the basic moves you will need to fight against this threat." Jasper's drawl was slow and serious as if he were commanding us.

"Bella," Carlisle said, talking just to me this time. "It's time to go now, to meet with the wolves. I think its best you come, so you know what's going on."

Carlisle took me on his back to the clearing in the forest. I heard the wolves before I saw them, I could hear their breathing and the small snarls they did in the face of their natural enemy. When my eyes adjusted I could see the slight glow from their own eyes in the tree line, like being watched by a cat.

Carlisle dropped me and Alice came and put her arm around me. Never unprotected for a second.

The lines had been drawn. Though we were supposed to be working together the wolves were on one side and the Cullen's on the other. Both were trying hard to hide their lightly defensive stances but it didn't come naturally to either of them, working together. 

Carlisle made his way the front, standing halfway between both sides. The natural peacemaker. 

"Thank you for coming tonight," he nodded to the wolves. "I know this isn't easy but we must try to work together. The enemy now is Victoria and her newborn army. They put the lives of the whole town at stake. Edward, will you translate please any questions the pack may have?" Edward nodded and made his way toward Carlisle.

There was a brief pause where Edward must have been scanning the minds of wolves, picking the questions out of their heads. 

"We will watch and listen but no more. That is the most we can ask of our self- control," Edward re-laid directly.

"That is more than enough," Carlisle responded. "My son Jasper has experience in this area. He will teach us how they fight, how they are to be defeated. I'm sure you can apply this to your hunting style." My eyes moved to Jasper. His face was hard and set and made no response to the mention of his name. he was focused entirely on the pack, watching them intently for any move they would make. 

"How are they different from you?" Edward spoke Sam's question.

"They are all very new—only months old to this life. Children, in away. They will have no skill or strategy, only brute strength. Tonight their numbers stand at twenty. Ten for us, ten for you—it shouldn't be difficult. The numbers may go down. The new ones fight amongst themselves."

"They're wary. They don't trust us," Edward said.

"Of course, you are naturally wary but we will earn your trust. We all want the same thing here. To protect the town and its people," Carlisle was ever the diplomat. They would trust him if no one else.

The wolves made an excited rumbling noise deep in their chests. I guessed they were anxious to fight, to fulfil their purpose.

After the introductions and the pleasantries, the Cullen's took it in turns to spar with each other. They ran too fast for me, only a blur of colours and movements. I heard the sound of stone crashing as they bounded into one another on the instructions of Jasper who was instructing them on how to move. It made me nervous watching them like this but I knew if there was any other way they would use it. They did not resort to fights easily.

Jasper was clearly experienced in these kinds of fights, he instructed the two sides as general in army may. He looked down on them disapprovingly when they went for the obvious maneuverers or made a move that left them vulnerable.

I watched them, my nerves on a knife-edge. If this was how I felt already with practice then who knew what I would be like when the actual fight came.

Jasper and Emmett were involved in what looked like a serious spar. Rosalie and Alice were in a game of cat and mouse, dancing around each other. Rosalie trying not to make any decision and Alice seeing what move she would make. Esme and Edward both using their light figures their advantage, flipping over the other when they made an attack. Moving at such high speeds I couldn't follow. 

Eventually, Carlisle looked over at me and saw I was struggling to maintain my calm. My breath was getting shorter and my mind kept racing. They were strong and by the time the fight came I knew they would be well-practised but it didn't escape me that this was happening because of me. They were fighting to protect the town of Forks but had I not come here they would never have been in danger. I was the problem. 

I knew the lack of sleep didn't help. By now I was sure it was the early hours and I was exhausted and ready for sleep though I loathed missing any of this time. 

"I'll take Bella home," Carlisle said quietly to others drawing away from the play fighting. They all gave a slight nod and went back to their partners.

Carlisle placed a light hand on my back guiding me out of the clearing into the tree line till we were out of the sight of the rest of the family. Then he pulled me onto his bag and raced the short distance back to the house. We didn't bother going inside, instead, he led me took me straight the garage where the lights flashed on his sleek Mercedes. 

"This will be more comfortable for you," he explained when he saw my questioning glance. "I think you've had enough supernatural for one night."

"Ok," I agreed. I was very tired and I wasn't going to argue with him.

I slid into the soft leather seats enveloping myself in the scent of Carlisle that filled the car. Being alone with him like this reminded me of our trip to Seattle. That day I had felt truly normal. It had been one of the best days of my life.

"What are you thinking about, sweetheart?" Carlisle asked reaching across the armrest to hold my hand. 

"Seattle. What a lovely day that was."

He smiled at himself remembering.

"One of the best of my existence."

"Existence? Really? You're like 300?" I laughed in disbelief at that.

"Of course. I spent it with you and then there was that night," he turned and winked at me and I found myself flushing. I squeezed his hand in response.

Carlisle pulled the car over the side of the road just up the road, out of the sight Charlie's house. We sat in the silence for a moment, neither of us willing to leave the other.

"This fight is dangerous," I noted after a few moments of silence.

"Yes," he nodded sagely.

"People could get hurt."

"Yes."

There was another moment of solemn silence.

"But we will be fine Bella. We are more skilled than they are and we have surprise on our side. They won't be expecting the wolves." 

I let his words sink in for a minute. He was right of course. I didn't think the edge I was feeling would be completely gone till it was all over.

But sitting in the car with Carlisle like this I felt something else come over me.

I turned in my seat and faced him.

"Carlisle," my voice was barely more than a whisper as he turned to face me. His eyes scanned my face and he could see in it what I wanted.

He leaned in slowly towards me. My eyes closed his anticipation of feeling his mouth on mine. Once I felt him I could feel all my emotions pouring out. All the love I had for him, the fear I had for what faced up, how scared I was but how utterly devoted to him I was, I let him feel it all.

His mouth was soft at first, barely moving against mine but as I grabbed his shirt with hands he became more intense. Moving against me, his hands laced in my hair keeping my face pressed to his. Before I let myself get too deep into the kiss he broke away.

"Bella, not here," his voice was a warning.

I was desperate now.

"Carlisle please I need you," my voice cracked with my desperation. I needed him like I needed air to breathe. I had never been so sure of anything in my life. I needed to feel like everything was going to be ok just for a little while at least.

He didn't say anything but his face softened and he lifted me into his lap, pushing the seat back so I didn't lean on the horn by mistake. He couldn't say no to me, not when I knew he was feeling exactly what I was feeling.

As I straddled him I could feel how much he needed me. I pressed my mouth back against his and ground my lips into his. His mouth opened to let my tongue inside, I could feel his cool breath wash over me. I traced my tongue over his teeth and let my own teeth nip at his lips.

His hands were all over me. He was grabbing at my hips, grinding me down against him as my own hips bucked with lust.

His hands traced under my shirt and up my back before coming back around to grope at my breasts. 

"Bella," his voice was a low growl. His patience was running thin. This was no time for being gentle or for love. It was pure, desperate need to be as close to one another as we could.

I reached down and fumbled unbuckling his belt. He let out a hiss as I stroked against him in an effort to free his growing appendage from its tight confines.

Once it sprung free I wrapped my fist around it pumping it, making sure he was hard.

"Fuck Bella." He lifted me up and made quick work of unbuttoning my jeans and pulling them down. He moved his hands to my hips to manoeuvre me as I lined his cock up against my wet centre. I lowered myself down, giving myself time to adjust. It had been a while and he was so big I could feel him stretching me as I flexed to accommodate him.

"Fuck. Carlisle." I moaned as I felt him fully sheathed within me. I lifted myself up and down trying to find a rhythm. Carlisle used his strong hands to guide me up and down and we soon found a comfortable of me bouncing on him and him thrusting into my from below.

It wasn't soft or gentle. It was raw and passionate and filled with the need we both had but couldn't share. We were desperate for one another. I could feel it every time he growled my name and every time his cock filled me up. 

I clawed at his chest in desperation. I couldn't hang on much longer. I needed him too badly. I was too desperate for him. My mind was clouded and all I could think about what how much I needed him.

"Please don't stop… please," I moaned into his ear and he slammed up into me once more.

I could feel myself tightening around him. I let out a string of expletives, chanting "fuck" as I felt my walls close around him and the pressure that had built up inside me explode. I couldn't think about anything other than how good it felt but I could feel him throbbing inside me. He was close as well.

"Fuck.. Bella.. so.. tight," the words weren't a sentence but words not coherently thought out. He pushed into me one more time, reaching my hilt as I felt him explode within me. He let out a cry against my neck as he throbbed to completion within me.

Afterwards, we sat there for a moment catching the breath that I desperately needed and he did not. His face was nestled into my neck and I was still clutching at his chest. 

We stayed like that until I felt him begin to soften. He lifted me up and pulled my jeans up for me. As he lifted me back into the passenger seat he said just one thing.

"I need you, Bella. I can't live you without again," his voice was filled with the pain of 300 years of loneliness. 

"I know Carlisle. I can't live without you." The words were true. If this fight took Carlisle from me I would follow. This world could offer me nothing if I did not have him beside my side. 

"Its time for bed love," was his reply. It was filled with love and understanding but also his desire for me to rest, to process.

Carlisle was around my side of the car before I could even process he had gotten out of his side. He silently lifted from the passengers' side to carry me back into my room before Charlie awoke. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow. 


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: A short little chapter moving the story forward from the perspective of Carlisle. I hope you enjoy.**

Carlisle POV

I had wondered, for a great many years, whether I was truly happy. The romantic love I had shared with Esme had not lasted and although we cared for one another very deeply we had both had to admit to ourselves, and each other, that we were not truly meant to be together for eternity. We were bound by the family we had created. Esme busied herself with the children, who even though they claimed not to need parents they still did in the way one who is an eternal teenager needs guidance. She busied herself with art and renovation projects and at nights we came together. We read and talked and hunted together. Occasionally we still enjoyed one another in the martial sense. Though there was never any confusion over what it was. Platonic love that came from two people who had spent many years together, and in the time we found ourselves entwined, it came from the need to feel something more. Something deeper. A connection to another being. A primitive urge based on need, not love in the way it had used to be.

I never felt unhappy during these times. I was sated. I had my family and I had my work. I felt as fulfilled as a man could. Having walked the earth for more than 300 years and failing to find the love 4 of my 'children' had found I had to conclude that it was not meant for me. I would be happy for them and I would be content. And I was.

And then Bella stumbled into our lives. Capturing, Edward's heart for the first time. I was happy for him and more than a little captivated by her. I vividly remember the jolt of electricity that surged through me the time when I had treated in the hospital after the incident with the van. And the more understated surges that I had felt when we accidentally brushed against one another in the house. I ignored the way my dead heart felt like it may come alive again when I saw her smile. I ignored every possible sign. She was with Edward and he deserved his happiness. They both did. I resolved to not get in the way. To stay away as much as was possible and to limit my thoughts. I did it successfully. I thought of her only when Edward was not around and when she was in the house at the same time I was I focused on other things. It wasn't just Edwards happiness I was concerned about. I was aware Bella was 17. Though in human years, I am not much older than her, it would have felt wrong to take advantage of that. I was in the position with the authority. I would never have exerted that over her.

But then she made a move. In my office whilst I stitched up her arm after her godforsaken birthday party she flirted with me and made it so clear my feelings were not unrequited and suddenly I found myself unable to ignore the pull.

Kissing her made me feel like I was whole after 300 hundred years my heart was finally complete. And when she was gone she took a part of my heart with her. I knew after that I couldn't stay away anymore. I needed her more than I had ever needed anything. More than I had needed air when I was human. More than I needed blood now. I was sure I could not survive without Isabella Swan.

That night when Edward came home and announced we were all the leave an almighty fight broke out. I had reasoned that we could not leave. Bella was family and she deserved a say in this.

"Why are you fighting me so much on this Carlisle?" Edward had argued. "You know we should leave. Give her a chance at a safe, human life."

"I disagree, Edward," I had told him my voice rising as I explained he shouldn't be making decisions for Bella or the entire family.

When Rosalie agreed that we should leave it vindicated him. Although we all knew why Rosalie agreed with him. She would never choose this life as an option for a human and although the thought saddened me I understood her reason.

Emmett would never fight against his wife but Alice did fight against Edward. Their heated voices rising as they engaged in a back and forth with Alice determined not to leave and Edward sure we should.

As I looked around the room as my children picked sides on a battle neither could win I saw the hurt in Esme's face. Devastated as her family battled and fractured over this. My heart softened and I knew despite our conversation earlier when we hunted, I had to put Esme first and my feelings aside. This needed to be resolved here at least.

"Ok," I conceded. "If it is what the family think best then maybe you should leave. I will stay on for a while. Sort things out here. It would look too suspicious if we all just left."

"And what will you tell people when they ask why you didn't leave with your wife?" Rosalie asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

I caught Esme's eye and she nodded giving me her approval.

"I will tell them that we separated. It's not far from the truth. You all know Esme and I are companions and not mates. It would not be unbelievable for the humans. I will stay here for a few months at least. That why we draw less attention to ourselves. You all are free to choose where you go," I explained to them.

And so they had left. Edward to travel alone to heal his heart. Emmett and Rosalie to travel. Alice and Jasper needed space to heal after his slip up and I respected that and Esme when to our family in Alaska.

The months that followed, though I should have been sad, were some of the happiest of my existence. Growing closer to Bella, bonding with her and discovering our mutual feelings. I had never felt happier. I missed the family, we both did but the time was good for us to explore our love.

I pondered on this as I drove home from Bella's house after the training sessions with the wolves. Those months had been so happy for us both but now we were hiding our love again and the family were asking questions. Edward was hurt and it racked me with guilt but I loved Bella and I could not deny that. Rosalie would not speak to me. She didn't think I had given Bella a fair chance at an ordinary life and maybe she was right but our feelings for one another were so strong I wondered how this love could be anything other than right.

I was a little shamed walking into the house. I knew they would be able to smell Bella on me and I didn't want the whole house aware of our activities. It wasn't the proudest moment of my life. I would have rather made love to her on a soft bed where I could have taken my time with her rather than the front seat of my car in the middle of the night like a teenage boy after prom. But our love tonight had been passionate and raw and had reaffirmed our love for one another. After keeping each other a distance for the past month it was needed.

I quickly showered and changed my clothes washing off the scent of Bella and the wolves and went to find Edward. I called to him in my mind and asked him to hunt. I heard him get up from his piano. A physical note to say he accepted my offer. I had bridges with him to build.

We bounded into the forest in silence until we were out of earshot of the house, we slowed to a walk.

"Why did you ask me here Carlisle? To brag about Bella?" his voice had an icy edge to it that made me grimace.

"You know I would never, son. I want things to be right between us." He looked away from turning his mouth upwards in a sneer.

I walked towards him slowly, gauging his reaction. He didn't turn away from me. I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"You were my first 'child'. The person I changed. The first in this family. I love you, Edward. You are my son and I am so sorry. I never wanted to hurt anyone. And if you hadn't of ended things with Bella. If she hadn't told me how she felt I would never have pursued my feelings. You deserved your happiness," I told him earnestly. Everything I said was true. My loyalty had always been with Edward.

"Why didn't you turn her away?" His voice was small and quiet. it was a question we both knew the answer to.

I was silent for a long while. I didn't know whether my answer would help or make things worse but I knew I had to be honest with the both of us.

"I couldn't"

"I know."

We stood in silence, the air around us seemed to hang in our sadness. Edward was the first to speak.

"I love her still."

"I know."

"I can't turn that off."

"I know, son."

He turned to face me, his eyes filled with his own sadness.

"I'm not angry at you Carlisle. Not anymore. I forgive you." My dead heart leapt at those words. He forgave me. I would not ask any more of him. I wrapped my arms around him, enveloping him in my fatherly embrace.

"Thank you, son." After a moment I felt his hands press against my own back. Returning the embrace. Sealing the forgiveness. When I finally let him go, my heart still wild with joy at having my son back, he spoke.

"I think after this I may leave again. Travel for a bit. Maybe see some of your old friends." His brow creased and his eyes were questioning, asking for my approval. I would readily give it.

"Of course Edward, I understand. I can give you vague locations of some them if you want them," I smiled at him.

He nodded in return and I knew then that things would be ok between us. I would have my son back and I would have Bella. Maybe not now, maybe not for many years, but I knew someday I would have my family back together as one and it was that knowledge that finally made my heart whole.


End file.
